life

A different type of post – anxiety & counselling.

large (1)I am sure that if you are like me, you write a blog so you can express your feelings and those feelings that you cannot express with anyone else that you may know. Well this is definitely what  I do, I find it hard to express my own feelings but I am more than happy to help someone else out.

Yesterday I went to my first ever counselling session, I have been thinking about going for some time but this time it was suggested to me through work that I may need to go.

We all go through different emotions, feelings, stages in our lives. Each of us are unique in the way we walk, talk, express, draw, display ourselves and that’s what makes us ……. well……… us.

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I was weirdly looking forward to it, I had stupidly had 2 – 3 hours sleep so my emotions are going to be all over the place anyway haha. It was so strange to talk to someone who I had only just met, to tell them thoughts and feelings I had never said to anyone before.To sit nearly 2 metres away from them, but still feel yet so comfortable.

Of course I cried, it wouldn’t be counselling if I didn’t cry.

I said about some of the things that had happened over the past year and a bit and I just started to think f*ck I have had to grow up so quickly over the space of the 5 years its ridiculous. No wonder I feel down sometimes.

I did this medical scale as to my anxiety and she believes I am definitely suffering from it and at the end she asked what I would like from this experience. At the time there was probably so many things that I COULD have said to her, but the only word that came out of my mouth was calm. 

I don’t even know why I said it,what I meant by it but I couldn’t think of any other word or expression. It’s funny in a state of panic what you say, but I truly did feel that.

Afterwards I came away thinking, I want to go again and I want to get rid of the anxiety aspect and how to deal with things and it was just a weight off my shoulders that someone was finally listening to me, it wasn’t just me listening to someone else like I am always doing.

In the past 24 hours I have thought as to what I have been through in the 5 years:

– going to University

         – living with a 4 other people, 2 (1 was my best friend and the other a lovely guy) the other 2 were bullies and one of them was mentally abusing my best mate and I was so scared).

         – my best friend attempted suicide on a number of occasions

         – I became ill and left with a 2:2 in which I can now not get a job in the degree that I have and its so frustrating as I feel like I am worth more

– my Nan passing away due to cancer 1 month before I graduated and telling my brother that she passed.

– my Mum having a back injury which took her out of her job for 5 months, so I took over the house with my Dad. 

– my Dad having a brain injury in which he is still recovering 2 years later

– a house fire (which was next to my bedroom, so no bedroom for near 6 months)

– many operations and illnesses for myself, I believe through stress yay

– now hating my job 🙂 

 

haha, so I don’t often do 😦 posts so I am sorry but I thought I would just do a post for myself really.

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