No flower today, I apologise readers just blame my lack of Funds until Wednesday. This post today is more about what I am thinking and feeling, I tend to be someone who does not express emotions enough and when someone likes me I block them out and I instantly regret it. I hate the way I become and I don’t know how to change it, I have tried. I therefore thought I would offload for my own saneness really as well as if anyone else as been in this position. Please bare with me (by the way is it bear with me, or bare with me)……
I have known this boy since I was 18 years old, now let’s work that out — that’s been 7 years, bugger I now feel old. Anyway we have always got on really well, we have gone through a lot together as friends and we never have taken each other seriously at all. We were just really really close as friends.
It was about 2 years ago now and we were out for a mutual friend’s birthday and we ended up getting rather drunk lets say and ended up going off by ourselves and had a few kisses that’s all. There was something there and it was strange.
A few weeks later, we would be carrying on going out as friends to days out etc like we used to but this time it was slightly different and I still to this day do not know if it was a date. In my head as bloody usual I was over analysing everything and there was somethings that were annoying me about him, in which I have never noticed before. I was picking out flaws. Who am I to pick out flaws on someone.
Annoyingly around this time I was “seeing” this boy, what I mean by “seeing” is that I was kinda being forced into dating this boy. Everyone at my work at the time was like ‘you HAVE to go out with him, he really likes you’, ‘you will be the perfect couple’ etc etc…. I should have gone with my instincts really. I went on 2 dates with him, throughout the 1st date I thought I am going to give you the benefit and treat it as a blind date, as I really didn’t know much about him. It then got around we finally went on this date and again I was being forced into this next date, it was around about the time of the London Olympics closing, we were in the pub and I was more interested in the TV than him. I don’t get why he didnt see, I did tell him but he was very persistent. Anyway – rule of that is – do not go on a date if you felt pressured!!
During the dating time, of course I did grow SOME feelings about this boy but I was also being texted by my friend who kept saying he could remember that night weeks ago. As a twat that I am, I kept thinking of the bad points about why we shouldn’t be together, I thought its going to ruin our friendship and he became really sad……. to this day I feel absolutely shite about that, I seriously do.
A month or two later, we were talking and out of the blue my friend said he had a girlfriend, I was no longer seeing or had any interest in this other guy and all I thought was ………….. fuck and my heart sunk.
I did actually like him. I missed my chance. Why am I absolutely stupid.
Now 1 year later, he is still with this girl who cannot stand me, I have no opinion of her apart from if she makes him happy thats fine. But he does not reply to any texts, messages from me or our mutual friend. He told our mutual friend back in November that he still has feelings for me and he tried to kiss me on our night out back in November. I said that he should go back to his girlfriend, but I just wanted to kiss him back.
It’s weird because I feel protective over him, I have known him for 7years and she has come around knowing him just over 1 year and dictating his life. LOL think it also annoys me that she is 5 years younger than me. Oh well 🙂
I am in no way a home wrecker, I never have and never will be.
But every day now, all I think about is him. I cannot get him out of my head……… I am wondering, am I missing him as a friend or am I missing him as something more?
Because he won’t reply to any texts (gotta feeling she has something to do with that), he see’s my messages on Facebook (2 messages in 4 months lol im no stalker) haha and as the fact (YES I KNOW ITS FACEBOOK ) that he is just in a relationship with no one, is making me think are they together.
I want him to be happy, but I just want him to reply.
I am just so…….. drained from thinking about him. 😦
what do you think?
– Forget Him & Move on.