life

Don’t be afraid to leave him

This is a different post to anything before.

There’s been a lot of talk in media of let talking about domestic violence,  how to overcome it and leave your partner. I myself have not been a survivor/victim of domestic abuse,  but have been witness to it. I struggled to stop him, I seemed to be scared then, I had had enough. I fought back.

Throughout University I lived with 2 boys and 2 other girls. One of the girls and one of the boys were in a relationship.  They were happy. After a while I started noticing a difference in my best friend (the girl). I saw her being more reclusive, I saw her becoming more and more sad and she was just different but she put a smile on her face.

I can’t remember how far into their relationship but I knew something wasn’t right and she emailed me, saying I need help. She only was the next room down and her door was closed. I knew that this was becoming more apparent.

I emailed her back saying what’s happened, she said I’ve taken pills I’m not happy. As the boy was in the room next to hers, I slowly slipped into the room and let’s say  an ambulance was called.

Throughout the few weeks, I could see her running up stairs after every meal. I asked the boy why and his response was  :

” she’s running up stairs to be sick as she’s so fat “

My friend was doing just that,she was at the time a size 12. That’s not fat. So then I saw further changes and to the point it made me feel so sick inside. To this day she won’t admit to me that it scared her , if it scared me god knows how she was.

We used to go on nights out and he would ringing her all the time, checking on her,  demanding to know where she was and who she was with. When we went back to the home, he just used to hurl abuse the next day or same night,

Another time, my friend text me saying I need help I don’t know what to do. I asked her to come to my room and unfortunately she had been cutting herself so badly. I explained to him that this was all because of him, as he had been mentally abusing her, and he laughed it off.

There was one particular night, and let’s say when he drank he turned nasty. He was horrible,  he made me shake inside. This night it came back from a football match and she was in her room, trying to avoid him. I knew she was fake sleeping but he came in banging on her door and shouting,

“If you don’t open this door I’m going to kill you”

“You’re a worthless piece of shit”

“You’re so fat”

I knew that she was laying there crying asleep, she wasn’t responding to my texts. I was so scared, I called my parents at 2am in the morning saying I wanted to come home. I confronted him saying he’s a bully, he’s an awful boyfriend. I thought he’s not gonna hit me, or pin me up by the neck like he did to her as I wasn’t his girlfriend.  I was scared but I had to stand up.Hekept joking to me the next day that I was gonna call the police and they were not gonna do anything about it.

From that point on, I argued with him. Told him where to go as soon as he got near her, told him he was rude. He still drank and was vile. It was more of the mental abuse. I had had enough of his controlling was,  no one else in the house was standing up for her. 

I spoke to my frienc later on in life about it and asked why she kept with him for that whole year and she said he had more good points than bad. Well in my opinion I don’t know what makes him good, by telling her she’s fat, by giving her abuse and by making her have overdoses and then one night she came into my room with her arms and wrists covered in blood from her slitting them.

From that day on, ive become more aware of men. More aware of what they can become and I’m sure women can be. But I would never let myself get that far into a relationship and I will never ever stand for it again if I saw others in the same position.

My friend is happily engaged now with beautiful  children and he is now married. But to this day,  I will never forget what he did and how he turned into a monster.

Touchy subject as well…. I’m sorry it’s a down one but it’s so true to me.

One thought on “Don’t be afraid to leave him

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