I have been putting off doing this post for a while, and each time I come from a night out or a big talk with the girls I really resist putting it online as I come away with very much heightened emotions, and to me …. I will regret reading those thoughts the next day.
I am more than just my size. I am more than just a clothes size number. I am more than just my bigger hips, stomach, chin, arms etc. I am me. I am no better or worse than anyone who is smaller or bigger than me.
These are my honest thoughts and I will not be proof reading this blog, I am going to writing from the heart.
Why are you still single?
The dreaded question, why am I still single…….. I will tell you why, it’s confidence. Confidence that has been battered due to reactions. Now I know this post will annoy a few people, but I am going from what I can see and what I have been through in my life. I am still single, because men simply prefer a girl who is sized between 8-14/16. The media portrays these lovely ladies to be the ideal body, the ideal woman and the ideal person to be with.
On nights out (like ive said in my previous post), all of my friends get the attention and im always the one that get’s sidelined. I am the one that can see the boys/men looking at my friends up and down, and then get to me and laugh. For example last night my two best friends walked past this group of lads and each of them stared at those two, as I walked by i could hear comments and they turned around. It’s not that I am saying I do not want the attention, no way would I like to be ogled, but it’s what they do that is upsetting.
To me, weight isnt a huge factor of me liking someone. I go for someone’s smile and someone’s personality, if they are good looking to me brilliant. I don’t go for the muscular types, but I am sure that there could be people who like the plus size person.
My friend’s try to get a boy/man to talk to me on nights out, and I just point blank refuse. Maybe because I am forever people looking, I can see people’s reactions and I know who my friends are going to chose for me, and I know how they reacted when they saw me. Yes it’s a shitty confidence thing, but when its happened again and again and again towards you, it’s just the norm.
No one likes me.
My single friends have been single for a while, but they can be extremely picky. They like the naughty boys……. and all of these lovely guys like them but they won’t give them the time of the day because theyre not naughty. To me, I can see from an outsiders point of view that it’s just going to lead to heartache.
But I hear it a lot from various friendship groups that they are bored of being single and bored of dating all the time, and its these lovely girlies that have lots of attention, theyre texting many boys, but again because they’re not “bad boys” they over look these nice lads. I just dont understand and they don’t understand why I get frustrated with them, when I say that they could get anyone….. argh!!
This is the absolute biggest thing that pisses me off so much. The media, fashion and clothing. I am a varied size between 18-20 (depending on where I shop), but to be honest with you…. its really really limited in my shops.
I have been a size 14 at Uni to now being at home, I have gotten larger. I suffer unfortunately with PCOS and hyperthyroidism (which both have its own issues!!!!)and it’s a bit of a shitter and I do try and be healthy but sometimes I just think fuck it, and I know I shouldn’t have that attitude. But along with the confidence levels of the topics above, it just does make you think why bother!!
Clothes for my sizes are always baggy, nothing is ever fits properly. You never can buy anything “beautiful and sexy”, for example if I wanted to wear a bodycon dress that I see beautiful girls of a slimmer figure wearing, you kinda look like a sausage. Most dresses seem to be aimed at 40+ year olds, which is really not great for a 20 year old. What if I want to show a bit of cleavage, lol you know I have extra boobs because of being bigger, and everything always seems to be covered.
I just find it so frustrating!!!!!!!!
Also……… short leggings should be sold throughout the whole year! Some people really want to wear dresses without legs hurting due to chafing , and it’ll be ideal if these were available.
The fashion industry also very much annoys me with their “plus size models”!! You always see just larger hips and legs, you never see a larger stomach or a thicker neck? To me that is NOT plus size!!!
Confidence of course is a huge huge issue with my problems above. I know that completely. But I guess if I became a size 14 again I would have that confidence back. But it’s just not me at the moment.
I want to feel amazing to be me. I want to feel that someone loves me for me. I want to know that someone loves me because they love my personality. I want to know that they are loving me and its not a joke!! I want to be able to walk through the high street and not feel like I am being judged. I want to be able to go into a shop and just buy anything!!! I want to be able to go into a store and not check online before to see if they go to up to my size! I want to be able to feel very much comfortable in my own skin. I don’t want to be someone else. I don’t want to be someone who is smaller size.
There I have said it.