body image · friendships

“You’re boring”

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So tonight I went out with my girls and I thought tonight I am not going to drink, it’s going to be cheaper and I want to drive.

I am all for having a time out, I love a night out and a drink but I just fancied a change.

But tonight was different and I’ve come home feeling like shit.

The evening started out as normal, taking photos of us 3 being silly and having a good time in my friends house. They were drinking and I can “act” tipsy, I can be hyper etc and was having a good time.

I did notice that drunk people seriously do not make any sense in conversations, the amount of times I was like wtf?!

Anyway so took the girls to the pub and one of them said that they were people from our old work place out. I thought fair enough, it’ll be a quick hi and we will move on and go for a drink & dance.

We met up with these lads (2 I knew) and there were 4 others I’ve never met but I knew of (small town syndrome). As usual ALL of the boys were interested in my friends, they were touchy feely, flirting, looking at them up and down etc and I was just looked at and scoffed at. Happens everytime we’re out (no wonder I have no confidence in men!).

So I thought no no ill let it pass. One of my friends was chatting to one of the boys from work, and the other talking to me…. for a bit. I could see these boys wanted to talk to my friend I was talking to. She got distracted and again I was on my own.

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I just felt like shouting our HELLO I AM HERE TOO!!!!!! one of the randomers smiled at me and said something I couldn’t quite understand (he’d been drinking due to the England match), and I replied saying I’m not drinking I’m on lemonade. He then without knowing me, said “oh you’re boring, you’re the boring one aren’t you”, then proceeded to turn his back on me.

We then went to a round table and again this guy and another of his mates kept saying “she’s the boring one”. Yes I do like the drink, but jesus if you need to drink to be entertaining then mate you haven’t got a personality. Throughout the night, these boys kept distracting my friends, to the point I was OK the other side of the table with no one talking to me.

I know that I’m not “ugly” but I’m so sick of feeling like this when I come home from nights out.

It’s not that I wouldn’t want the attention those two get, but to always be ignored or sniggered at, and I could count over 10 times tonight, it just gets me down and makes me really have a lack of confidence in men. This is all because im not a size 10 or 12. Men choose to look down on you if you’re a larger size!!! It is incredibly disheartening. And if and when someone does like me on a night out (very rare) I think its an absolute joke and tell them to go away. Men can be right dickheads.

My friend was trying to set me up, and I just said absolutely not. I know for a fact they would look me up and down and laugh, it’s happened far too many times in my life.

I was going to take my friendd home, but the whole evening was just horrible. It was meant to be us 3, and not well….. it just felt like me. I ended up going home. I’m still awake in case they do want lifts at 3am.

Sorry for the off load.

Nanight.

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