Being 30, i thought it would be different

Hey!

So I’ve been 30 for over 4 months now, nearly 5 and I’m slowly getting around to the idea that I’m 30. It’s still weird to see it written down, and when people ask how old I am, again it’s odd. I find it even stranger when I see people on TV that I personally think look older, and they end up being 33 or 34. I just think “fuck, is it all downhill from now?”.

When I was little, I had so many ideas of what being 30 would be. I thought I would have:

  • A successful career
  • 2 kids
  • A nice house
  • Married

Looking at that list above, I was thinking probably about my parents. At aged 30, they were getting there. But nowadays it seems that you either have your shit together or you’re struggling to get your shit together.

I am in the latter.

I’m not even joking, everyday since turning 30 I have thought to myself, why am I 30 and how did I get here? Like, I havent moved out yet, I haven’t met someone to be happy with yet, and my job… well. Meh.

But all of those, are to be confirmed arent they? I’m only 30, I’m a young 30 and that’s what I have to focus on.

So what, that all my best friends now have kids, so what that they are all happy with someone or loving the single mum life. They may look at my life and think (God knows why) wow I want her life, the independence.

I think being 30 so far as taught me more about myself. I know what I like, what I dont like and what I put up with. I love:

  • Happiness
  • Glitter
  • Colour
  • Makeup
  • Taking the old selfie
  • Going places on my own
  • Family

What i dont love is:

  • People who talk about themselves
  • Gym lovers
  • Politics
  • Argumentative people
  • Pushy people.

I’ve learnt to say no more. Ive learnt to say “I love you” to those who truly deserve it. Ive learnt that, although I may not think it at the time, I’m ok.

There are so many areas that I need to learn and to love about myself, but I’m getting there.

Currently I am going through a huge phase of absolutely not knowing what to do with my career. I feel absolutely out of my depth, and its getting to the point where I used to love to go into work, and now I dont want to. I havent felt like that in years. But I’ve taken career test after career test and I honestly dont know what I want out of life.

I’m hoping, that the next 7/8 months before I turn 31 that I learn what I want and what makes me happy.

But in the meantime, I’m trying to accept more, to have a more open mind. Life is too short, and I know this more than ever at the moment as my Nan has terminal cancer. She is just a beautiful kind lady, and its gonna hurt life fuck when she goes, so for now we all take it in turns to call her everyday to say “I love you”.

I therefore put it to you, to make sure you say “I love you” every day to someone special. Itll brighten their day.

Hello 17 year old me, this is future you.

94e631e2dab403bcaa59a0e6f8e53b1e.jpgImagine if we could go back in time and tell our younger self some tips and tricks that you have learnt along the way. 10 years ago I was 17, I was just finishing my GCSEs and starting my AS levels and thinking what A Levels I wanted to do, whether I was still going to stay at my school and what would happen with my friendship with my “best friends” that I have known since aged 11, on top of that dealing with issues of being a 17 year old girl.

Continue reading “Hello 17 year old me, this is future you.”

Drunk minds speak sober thoughts

907fcf9a6966c8c0337e510dd55682eaJust a quick post today, as I am feeling in a reflective mood. Why is it when we drink, we start to think of all of the shitty emotional things that you have been storing away in the back of your mind!

You know those thoughts that are under lock and key, you don’t want to think about that person, situation or those emotions.

I often find myself going back to the same thoughts and emotions each time I become tipsy, and this is where I need to surround myself with other tipsy people. I honestly don’t think that I could be the type to drink on their own, otherwise this may happen:

giphy

It could be me walking past certain spots of town, where I know I have created a happy memory there, or a certain song…. I will become a mental mess LOL!

But drunk minds do speak sober thoughts, and the amount of times I have had to put the phone down…. STEP AWAY FROM THE PHONE CATHERINE!!!! I know I have been there far too many times, either via myself being too truthful or my friends/my crush… it can end in tears and it often does!

So what do we need to do……. we need to get drunk with other unstable emotional best friends.

Continue reading “Drunk minds speak sober thoughts”

I am more than just my clothes size!!

821f11f5d0453ef9a0bb244d3903616eI have been putting off doing this post for a while, and each time I come from a night out or a big talk with the girls I really resist putting it online as I come away with very much heightened emotions, and to me …. I will regret reading those thoughts the next day.

I am more than just my size. I am more than just a clothes size number. I am more than just my bigger hips, stomach, chin, arms etc. I am me. I am no better or worse than anyone who is smaller or bigger than me.

These are my honest thoughts and I will not be proof reading this blog, I am going to writing from the heart.  Continue reading “I am more than just my clothes size!!”