One tweet can change everything.

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Well this is a bit different isn’t it?

fyi, this is a super long post… im sorry but also not.

As you may or may not know the past few months in my life have been a bit, bonkers shall we say. It seems that in my life, things happen in a pattern where I have a day of absolute hell, then 3 days later something positive happens.

For example, in 2011 we were on holiday and we received a phone call to state that my lovely Grandad had passed, and 3 days later I got into uni and got the grades I had to get! This year, it unfortunately happened again – my Nan passed away and I got a call I never thought I would receive, from the BBC…

Continue reading “One tweet can change everything.”

I wasn’t ever ready to say goodbye

 

Adobe_Post_20190815_211035-01Hi my lovelies, I hope that you are well…

I seem to have come full circle as to the purpose of this blog. I first started it many years ago, as I was going through counselling to help me with my grieving of my lovely Nan. I didn’t know what to do with my emotions and how to speak with people, but ever since having this blog and a bit of anonymity via my twitter, I have been able to speak my mind. Now, whether you listen or not is another thing but in my head you are all helping me.

For nearly 1 year now, my lovely other Nan has been deeply unwell with cancer and she took the decision a few months back to state that she did not want any help, and we had to learn to respect that decision – you can read my thoughts about this here –  so in my head I have been grieving for sometime now.

Continue reading “I wasn’t ever ready to say goodbye”

Respect and let go

Hey lovely people.

I dont think I’ve ever said on here before but in my family at the moment we are currently going through some sad times.

Last year my Nan found out that her cancer had come back for a 3rd time and this time it had spread to her lymph nodes. My nan is a bloody lovely lady and is so sweet, and when I found out it came back it just shook me. I thought she can do this, she has this down as this is her 3rd time. Continue reading “Respect and let go”

Being 30, i thought it would be different

Hey!

So I’ve been 30 for over 4 months now, nearly 5 and I’m slowly getting around to the idea that I’m 30. It’s still weird to see it written down, and when people ask how old I am, again it’s odd. I find it even stranger when I see people on TV that I personally think look older, and they end up being 33 or 34. I just think “fuck, is it all downhill from now?”.

When I was little, I had so many ideas of what being 30 would be. I thought I would have:

  • A successful career
  • 2 kids
  • A nice house
  • Married

Looking at that list above, I was thinking probably about my parents. At aged 30, they were getting there. But nowadays it seems that you either have your shit together or you’re struggling to get your shit together.

I am in the latter.

I’m not even joking, everyday since turning 30 I have thought to myself, why am I 30 and how did I get here? Like, I havent moved out yet, I haven’t met someone to be happy with yet, and my job… well. Meh.

But all of those, are to be confirmed arent they? I’m only 30, I’m a young 30 and that’s what I have to focus on.

So what, that all my best friends now have kids, so what that they are all happy with someone or loving the single mum life. They may look at my life and think (God knows why) wow I want her life, the independence.

I think being 30 so far as taught me more about myself. I know what I like, what I dont like and what I put up with. I love:

  • Happiness
  • Glitter
  • Colour
  • Makeup
  • Taking the old selfie
  • Going places on my own
  • Family

What i dont love is:

  • People who talk about themselves
  • Gym lovers
  • Politics
  • Argumentative people
  • Pushy people.

I’ve learnt to say no more. Ive learnt to say “I love you” to those who truly deserve it. Ive learnt that, although I may not think it at the time, I’m ok.

There are so many areas that I need to learn and to love about myself, but I’m getting there.

Currently I am going through a huge phase of absolutely not knowing what to do with my career. I feel absolutely out of my depth, and its getting to the point where I used to love to go into work, and now I dont want to. I havent felt like that in years. But I’ve taken career test after career test and I honestly dont know what I want out of life.

I’m hoping, that the next 7/8 months before I turn 31 that I learn what I want and what makes me happy.

But in the meantime, I’m trying to accept more, to have a more open mind. Life is too short, and I know this more than ever at the moment as my Nan has terminal cancer. She is just a beautiful kind lady, and its gonna hurt life fuck when she goes, so for now we all take it in turns to call her everyday to say “I love you”.

I therefore put it to you, to make sure you say “I love you” every day to someone special. Itll brighten their day.

Don’t forget to breathe… why I’ve been quiet lately.

Hey lovelies,

You may or probably may not have noticed that I have been a little quiet on here and on social media. I’ve been a little busy lately in my own life and things have just taken over.

At work, my life has been a bit hectic, I have been moving companies (back to the company that tuped us out in the first place), it’s all happened so quickly and to be honest came out of the blue. I didnt know if my job was safe and now I know that my job role is changing, but I also have the opportunity to go up in my role… but I’m hoping that I’ve got enough confidence to go for it!!

Secondly, my mum has been seriously unwell.

Last week mid Tuesday morning around about 430am I heard the phone going off and I honestly thought “wtf is happening?” And my mum was screaming in pain.

2 hours later, she was was rushed off to hospital in an ambulance and I just didnt know what was going on. She was in incredible amount of pain, couldn’t unfortunately wee and her leg was numb. The NHS have been fucking amazing.

She ended up being transferred to a London hospital and had to have an emergency operation on her back, to remove some of her spine. We later discovered that if she didnt have operation, she would have been paralysed.

I’ve been very much stressed and the idea of doing a blog post or anything I just couldn’t be arsed. I was so incredibly tired and emotionally drained.

I do have some other shut going on but thats for another blog where I literally want to moan.

So that’s my update. Lol what have you been up to?