friendships · life · people · positivity · relationships · thoughts

Day 18: what I like about being a female

Yesterdays women’s marches across the world really made me think about how great women are as a sex and how we fight for and support each other. Now I have already wrote aboutΒ what like most about men, so don’t say I’m being biased!
I therefore thought I’d put together a collection of what j like about being female.

So, here we go: Continue reading “Day 18: what I like about being a female”

make up · people · thoughts

Makeup vs you.

Everyday us girlies and I’m sure some boys decide whether to put our war paint on. Our make up doesn’t define who we are but we define who we are using make up.

Today I did the thing of “fuck it I need 10 minutes more sleep, I cba with make up!” And as much as it feels liberating to do so (not as much if you went braless) the comments were so mixed . Continue reading “Makeup vs you.”

friendships · girls · people · relationships

Jealous girlfriends!

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Throughout my life I have had a few friends that are boys,I have been with them through thick and thin, through their big life events, girlfriends, proposals, ending of relationships and all the laughter. They make me laugh, make me feel safe, they don’t judge me and I know that if I feel down I can just talk to them…. but there is one issue that I’ve always had. The one issue that always makes our friendship go in and out, where I’m made to feel like the bad person or that I shouldn’t have friends that are boys, and that’s the dreaded jealous and insecure girlfriend.

Continue reading “Jealous girlfriends!”

life · people · relationships · thoughts

I need to stop doing this. Advice please!

900b0b392b6e3a3bddd7516c671495e2As I was driving through town today and listening to Sam Smith on full blast, I was having all of these flashbacks (as I often do when driving), of all of the possibilities that I could have had and still could. But the one thing that is holding me back is……… me.

I have a huge huge huge issue of when I am dating someone or someone takes an interest in me, I like the first few weeks and as soon as they take a greater interest in me, I find any fault I can about that person.

Continue reading “I need to stop doing this. Advice please!”

life · people

Girls can be vile.

largeI have touched on this subject before, but tonight some news has come about which has just made me really really annoyed. It probably won’t make anyone else annoyed, but because of the emotions involved it’ll mean more to me. ** if non of this makes sense, its because im pissed off, oh and theres quite a bit of swearing in this post**

Over the past few days, I have learnt more about girls than ever. I have previously spoke about how girls should unite together and we should!! We should stick together, because hey who’s gonna go up against those annoying boys πŸ˜‰ But some girls can be just pure horrible. Girls can be the most argumentative, judgemental and bitchy characters out of the two sexes.

I am one and I will put my hands up, I have judged, I have bitched but I have never ever been malicious, controlling or vile.

There are two quick stories, I am going to tell. One is about my best friend and the other is about me.

The best friend

My girl has liked this boy for nearly 2 years now, this boy (who quite frankly is abit of a dick and an arsehole and I have said it to her face), he has made her feel so happy, made her cry and made her feel rather small. The lad and her met at work, there was a mutual friend who knew my girl, him and his ex. I am a rather good judge of character and I never trusted him ever. I was right to think that. Throughout these 2 years, the ex has stalked her, said horrible things about her on facebook. My girl and our mutual friend used to be really close, and she used to tell him what they had been getting up to, how amazing he was etc…. Low and behold, he went back to the ex and told her sister… who then passed that on. Unfortunately for this dickhead of a mutual friend, he stupidly sent the text saying “she thinks that im her friend, but im telling you everything”………. One, what an absolute tw*t, two – I know he isnt a girl, but what the ex and her sister did next was horrible.

My girl friend was out celebrating her degree *go her!* and 30 minutes after I left her, these two girls came up to her, cornered her in a well…. corner and started saying vile things to her, threatened her and chucked drinks over her. Luckily a friend (a boy) stood in the way and got her out of there.

Why are girls so horrible, the boy is single (unless he’s lying)! why can’t you just piss off.

why are girls so:

– horrible

– rude

– disgusting

– controlling

– unapologetic

My friend never set out to hurt anyone, she never set out to ruin any relationships (if there was one in place, she didnt know), she is a normal girl wanting to start a relationship.

My story

As I have said before, I like this guy. We used to be best friends until I fucked it up and I got so scared. Last November I met his girlfriend (who invited me to his surprise party –Β possibly keeping enemies closer thing))Β she was horrible to me, very judgemental, she made me cry on a night out and made me feel very very small for being his friend. I can’t help it that he still had at that time feelings for me, I hid mine well as again, I am in no way shape or form wanting to ruin a relationship.

Since then, he has not responded to any texts, messages from me, our mutual friend and HIS FAMILY. I cannot stand what’s happening. I know she’s controlling him, I saw it back in November. I have had it so many times, with our mutual friend as we really are close and now him. To prove a point, all throughout our mutual friend’s relationship we hardly spoke, since theyve been split up in 2 months, we text nearly every other day and seen each other loads………… I just do not get it!!!!

But tonight, I plucked up the courage to speak to this guy’s sister, as we get on and I also saw she isn’t friends with this girlfriend on facebook. It appears he does not speak to any of his family, the girlfriend is over controlling and he basically needs to grow balls.

All I want to say to this boy, not the “I like you” part – as theyre still together, but just a simple “hi how are you?” – how hard is that?


 

Moral of the story, I am pissed off.

More moral of the story:

– if and when I get in a relationship, I will no way ever be like that and if I do, my friends have told me that they will say it straight.

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friendships · life · people · relationships

Love.Friendship.Thoughts

604baa3a841d45c00eb415553e417c33First of all I have just watched the magnificent Breakfast at Tiffany’s for the first time and wow, why and how have I not watched it before. I can see so much of me in her, its ridiculous. But it also taught me a life lesson, which was simply said by “Fred”:

You know what’s wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You’re chicken, you’ve got no guts. You’re afraid to stick out your chin and say, “Okay, life’s a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that’s the only chance anybody’s got for real happiness.” You call yourself a free spirit, a “wild thing,” and you’re terrified somebody’s gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you’re already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it’s not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It’s wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.”

I am forever terrified that someone is going to stick me in a cage, not allow me to be free and to not allow that chance for such happiness. I know what I want and who I want, but I missed out on those chances and now I am the one unhappy.

One of my biggest thought issues, which not only has been this week but has been for many months is the “what if?” What if drives me insane, it worsens my anxiety and it worsen the future thoughts as well. I am not one to jump into something, I like to think a lot before I do things. But the downside of waiting too long, is that the more time you wait, the more time you start to think of the negatives of that “thing”.

My girl friends know the real me, but don’t at the same time. I listen to them being very happy in their relationships and also the downsides. I listen to those who are single and sleeping with this man and that man etc but that’s just not me. I want someone to like me for me and men/boys have, but as soon as they say they like me… its like nooooooooo back off!!

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Films like No Strings Attached and Friends with Benefits have although some serious strong same storylines (1 lots of S’s there lol, 2 why brings these two films out at the same time I will never know), but these films struck accord with me. No I am not gonna go around sleeping with lots of people but its the girl’s attitudes that got to me. The quote above, is exactly what I described earlier and I do do that.

**my own therapy post here ** it’s because of your stupid exes, if they weren’t so much of a dick (whether they be literally small lol *sniggers*) then you would be fine with relationships now and people liking you, goΒ for it!! ** back to the post**
In the past, I have had two of my close boy friends both like me, but I have always looked at the negatives ie:
– ruin the friendship
But what else is there really to lose:
– it either doesn’t work and you don’t talk **shudders at the thought**
– it does not work out but you act mature and you still keep your friendship
– you’ve found your soul mate.
One of these boy friends has just become newly single and all my friends were so excited, including the family and if you had asked me years ago if I had liked him, I would have said “yes, thank god he is now single, its my time!” LOL well not so brash as that. But I do not have any of those feelings, I don’t even want to kiss him. But the other friend, I just want to tell him ** breathes in this is a big moment **
Β I did like you, I still do like you and I was just so scared and I am so sorry that I pushed you away, I think about it every day.Β 
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Maybe I can end up like having a relationship like these two. Maybe he is my lobster. Or maybe I am just wasting my time and I should move on.
Why is love or the thought of love so scary, but yet so addictive to want to have and to know and to need. It’s a crave that we all desire, it’s an addiction that we all want, but yet some of us are so scared of it, that in the end we may lose out on the best love.
It definitely made more sense to me, when I see posts of happiness on Facebook, when people are moving on with their lives etc. I know that if this boy does go that step further and possibly get married, I will feel like Rachel when Ross goes to marry Emily.
I know a bit much of a deeper post than usual, but that’s whats been going on in my life this week πŸ™‚
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