Respect and let go

Hey lovely people.

I dont think I’ve ever said on here before but in my family at the moment we are currently going through some sad times.

Last year my Nan found out that her cancer had come back for a 3rd time and this time it had spread to her lymph nodes. My nan is a bloody lovely lady and is so sweet, and when I found out it came back it just shook me. I thought she can do this, she has this down as this is her 3rd time. Continue reading “Respect and let go”

The past 5 years post… 15 facts.

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As it’s the start of a brand new month the wonderful April, I was thinking as to what has happened within the past 5 years in my life and therefore I was thinking maybe this may be an interesting post to put together and to lift some weight off my shoulders as well. It may not make any sense to you but it makes a lot of sense to me and because it’s my blog that’s how it’s gonna go! haha! 15 points.

1. I passed Uni – I got a BA Hons 2:2 in Marketing with the Entertainment Industry being my desired sector of degree. If you are at Uni now, get as much as experience as you can, take that sandwich year, take that volunteer work do anything. I got a 2:2 and I am finding it so hard to get a job, I can’t get any experience as I got a 2:2 and my job won’t let me volunteer. So if I could go back in time, really knuckle down, don’t be afraid to be a geek and just be so positive.

2. My Nan passed away – she was and she still is my favourite person ever. She made me laugh, cry with tears of laughter, gave the best hugs and she was my mums mum so there will always be that strong connection. She lived 30 minutes away from my Uni so when I had issues with my housemates or exes she took me in for the night. I miss her and think of her every day and night. Hate you cancer. The worst day of my life, I can vividly remember every minute of that day still.

3. My Dad had a brain injury – he fell down a flight of stairs and was close to death, he was in Cardiff where I live in Kent, we received a phone call at 4am in the morning saying we had to get down there now. It took months of hospital visits and rehab visits but he is 90% better now, he will never recover, but I love him.

4. Babies – two of my best friends had babies in the 5 years, 1 of them is now 5 and the other is 2 this year with a sister about to be born this week hopefully and I love them to pieces!!!!

5. House Fire – our tumble dryer set alight and the house was on fire, all of the bottom of the house was completely black. Lost so many possessions and it was just so scary.

6. My Brother – he got into Uni and is loving life right now!

7. My other Nan – at the age of 79 she recovered from cancer and ive never been so prouder of her ever.

8. I changed jobs – I worked in Morrisons for 7 years and I finally changed jobs, not sure if it’s for the better but I got out of there!

9. Lust/Love – I wish that I knew how to control the negative scared feelings towards love otherwise I would be with my best friend right now.

10. Not to be scared – at uni one of my housemates nearly every night for 2 years mentally abused my best friend, she tried to commit suicide on so many occasions. I was there for her but I have become a stronger person now and I hate that man now, if I ever had a relationship like those two… well there wouldn’t be one.

11. Pain – I found out that I had thoracic outlet syndrome, I had the operation in which they cut away muscle to release a blood vessel from the bone and the pain is there still and I am left with 2 scars on my neck which I wore scarves for over 4 months because I hated them so much. I still have a huge collection of scars incase I have down days

12. Car – I passed my driving test first time around with 1 minor – get me!!

13. Cry – I cry at pretty much anything now, I blame certain points above.

14. Friendship – I have definitely began to realise that when you get older you definitely learn who your true friends are. Those friendship groups in schools dont stick together, you wont keep in touch with everyone and of course everyone talks behind each others backs. As long as you have a few selective friends who you know you can trust 100 % that’s all you need. Dont try and get friends to be popular, dont become friends with someone because they look cool, fashionable or say “the right things”, become friends with someone because you truly feel comfortable around them.

15. Family – Family is the most important thing in the world.

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My amazing Mum…

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I never thank my mum enough: 

 

Over the past three years she has been amazing, I know that I am really trying to not be personal here or say a lot of what my life is about, but she has had to deal with so much.

2 years ago, she lost her mother (my favourite ever person, who I still love and miss everyday) from cancer suddenly, she had just started a new job around this time which she enjoyed and she had to give it up as we lived too far away from my nan and she wanted to look after her. A few months after my nan passing away we had a house fire, my bedroom and the downstairs was damaged but the image of my mum being dragged away trying to save her house screaming was emotional to see. Months and months passed by and she was trying to get herself back together again, she gained a new job and her back went. A few weeks off from this and she hardly ever moaned.

Finally middle of last year, we received a phone call in the early hours in the morning in which my dad was taken to hospital from a fall, he had suffered a very bad brain injury and was close to fatal. She had to go away for 2-3 weeks over 200 miles away to a town she had never been before on her own, sleeping in a hotel, going to the cinema, trying to keep her mind of things, whilst trying to be strong for myself and my brother. My dad has never fully recovered, he is different but he is still my dad – he was in 3 different hospitals including a rehab unit. The idea at one point that he had no idea who she was, was devastating for her. 4 months passed and my dad was allowed home, of course there have been massive ups and downs, but she has dealt with them.

My mum has got herself back up, she now has the most perfect job for her where she comes home everyday smiling and happy. She tries to not let things get to her.

Last year she surprised me by taking me to see my favourite  ever band which I have loved for over 10 years. She had arranged secretly to get the boys from the band to sign a card, in which no one else had received in the queue for the concert.

Even though we argue, we bicker and we disagree on somethings I would not change my mum for anyone. She is the best. Even though it is only a little thank you me and my brother are taking her to Harry Potter in London just to say thanks. I wish we could do more for her.

As well as this, Mothers Day makes you realise how much you are so lucky to have a Mum, someone to talk to when you need to. Make sure as well you say thank you to your Nan’s they are Mums too and deserve as much recognition!!

Do not be ashamed to say,

I Love my Mum

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Love your Grandparents.

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I am writing this post really openly from the heart, over the next few days will be the 3rd anniversary of my Nan’s death. My Nan was my absolute world, she was there for me when I was down, when I was happy and looked after me when I was young. She was and still is in my eyes one of my favourite people ever. She would always brighten up the room and was loved by many.

My nan was a strong independent funny lady and when we found out a few days before her birthday that she had oesophagus cancer my world turned and flipped upside down. Her decline was quick and she passed away within 3 months.

I to this day remember the heartbreak that I suffered, my Mum and Dad were visiting her in hospital over a number of days. I had seen her before Christmas and she was very jolly and joking with me as much as I remember her, the last time I spoke to her was on the telephone were she demanded I got her out of hospital. I felt awful that I couldn’t help but I knew she was in the best place. Anyway, my parents had come back to pick up some things, and literally as soon as they got in  they received a phone call saying you will need to come back – we live 2 and a half hours away from the hospital. Unfortunately she passed away half an hour before my mum could see her.

I was at home alone and my Dad rang me, I cant even remember what he told me but I just remember crying and screaming, whilst falling to my knees.. I had never felt anything like it before. I couldn’t breathe properly and all I wanted was for someone to hug me. My mums best friend had been informed beforehand and she was driving around to see me, as soon as she saw me she came running up to me and gave me the biggest hug. This day is rarely talked about in my family. I had to tell my brother straight away so we went around to his work place, he was serving and all I did was just go into the work place and he ran towards me. I didn’t say anything he knew.

Absolutely horrible feeling & I want to forget the day but I cannot.

My Grampa passed away when I was 9 and I cannot remember much and my other Grandfather passed away through cancer whilst the family were on holiday. Another horrible evening.

The moral of this story is, please for the love of god and

I cannot express into words how much you should care and love your grandparents as they’re not here forever, they can be your best friend, your support and they will always love you. Look after them as they looked after you.

Sorry that this is such a sad post but I thought I would have to write it.

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2014.

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Welcome to 2014, let’s hope it rocks.

So I started off my new year with my mum painting my nails, watching rubbish tv and bed as soon as it turned to midnight as I had to go to work the next day. Hello Cinderella.

I have actually no idea why I chose to work New Year apart from the extra money, it caused me so much stress which I did not need to start the year.

But on a positive note, 2 days ago I celebrated my 25th birthday. Lol definitely sucks to have everything all together, thats it now until Easter. I doubt I will have a valentines day, so bring on more chocolate (seriously I could open up a chocolate shop with all the treats over the xmas and birthday time!). Fatty boom boom!

I made a 2013 memory jar and I decided to open it up on January 2nd and wow I was shocked as to what I had actually been through!! Some of the highlights is my Nan (who is also 80 on my birthday – yay go her!) beat cancer, my Mum found out she didnt have breast cancer, I have had a number of job interviews and it just seemed positive. Well I wanted to think that.

I put it on facebook and haha, it seems that everyone is now tagging me in photos of the jar idea as they all thought I came up with it. Clearly I spend too much time on pinterest.com haha oh dear! But I am definitely making another one up.

Anyway 2014, what do I want to happen:

– to buy a car

– to have a boyfriend

– to have a job in which I don’t dread going into every morning

– to have enough money to move out.

what I think will happen:

– I will still be sharing my mums car

– I will be still single

– I will still be stuck in the same job hating it more and going for interviews but getting frustrated

– I will be as poor as ever.

but…………. I am trying to change, so we shall see.

Anyway – Happy New Year.

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