Just come away from an unfortunate incident, it’s happened quite a few times really – where my face says everything but my voice says nothing…. its like I turn into The Little Mermaid!! Continue reading “Bumping into your emotions.”
As it’s the start of a brand new month the wonderful April, I was thinking as to what has happened within the past 5 years in my life and therefore I was thinking maybe this may be an interesting post to put together and to lift some weight off my shoulders as well. It may not make any sense to you but it makes a lot of sense to me and because it’s my blog that’s how it’s gonna go! haha! 15 points.
1. I passed Uni – I got a BA Hons 2:2 in Marketing with the Entertainment Industry being my desired sector of degree. If you are at Uni now, get as much as experience as you can, take that sandwich year, take that volunteer work do anything. I got a 2:2 and I am finding it so hard to get a job, I can’t get any experience as I got a 2:2 and my job won’t let me volunteer. So if I could go back in time, really knuckle down, don’t be afraid to be a geek and just be so positive.
2. My Nan passed away – she was and she still is my favourite person ever. She made me laugh, cry with tears of laughter, gave the best hugs and she was my mums mum so there will always be that strong connection. She lived 30 minutes away from my Uni so when I had issues with my housemates or exes she took me in for the night. I miss her and think of her every day and night. Hate you cancer. The worst day of my life, I can vividly remember every minute of that day still.
3. My Dad had a brain injury – he fell down a flight of stairs and was close to death, he was in Cardiff where I live in Kent, we received a phone call at 4am in the morning saying we had to get down there now. It took months of hospital visits and rehab visits but he is 90% better now, he will never recover, but I love him.
4. Babies – two of my best friends had babies in the 5 years, 1 of them is now 5 and the other is 2 this year with a sister about to be born this week hopefully and I love them to pieces!!!!
5. House Fire – our tumble dryer set alight and the house was on fire, all of the bottom of the house was completely black. Lost so many possessions and it was just so scary.
6. My Brother – he got into Uni and is loving life right now!
7. My other Nan – at the age of 79 she recovered from cancer and ive never been so prouder of her ever.
8. I changed jobs – I worked in Morrisons for 7 years and I finally changed jobs, not sure if it’s for the better but I got out of there!
9. Lust/Love – I wish that I knew how to control the negative scared feelings towards love otherwise I would be with my best friend right now.
10. Not to be scared – at uni one of my housemates nearly every night for 2 years mentally abused my best friend, she tried to commit suicide on so many occasions. I was there for her but I have become a stronger person now and I hate that man now, if I ever had a relationship like those two… well there wouldn’t be one.
11. Pain – I found out that I had thoracic outlet syndrome, I had the operation in which they cut away muscle to release a blood vessel from the bone and the pain is there still and I am left with 2 scars on my neck which I wore scarves for over 4 months because I hated them so much. I still have a huge collection of scars incase I have down days
12. Car – I passed my driving test first time around with 1 minor – get me!!
13. Cry – I cry at pretty much anything now, I blame certain points above.
14. Friendship – I have definitely began to realise that when you get older you definitely learn who your true friends are. Those friendship groups in schools dont stick together, you wont keep in touch with everyone and of course everyone talks behind each others backs. As long as you have a few selective friends who you know you can trust 100 % that’s all you need. Dont try and get friends to be popular, dont become friends with someone because they look cool, fashionable or say “the right things”, become friends with someone because you truly feel comfortable around them.
15. Family – Family is the most important thing in the world.
Not only did I have to compete with my day to day job of all the hassle and negativity from the wonderful general public, I was awaiting for the clock to tick to 4pm so I could go home. I had received a voicemail from a job company wishing to speak to me about a “great job” which they had found for me and I couldn’t wait to call through to them at 4pm.
As I was walking down to my car, I saw this flash of yellow on the windscreen………… a f**king parking ticket. Great. My first ever parking ticket, felt absolutely awful but also giggled inside I thought only me! I had bought a weekly ticket but it ran out a few hours earlier and the bloody eager beaver of a parking attendant (ie jobsworth) was there waiting for me to go into the office, according to the time he ticketed me.
So, I sat down opened up the parking ticket and saw it was a £45 charge – you have got to be kidding me!! OF course I will pay but that’s just bloody ridiculous the amount of people that do not park in that carpark but because I was there before 8 when early bird jobsworth comes around he ticketed me.
Anyway so I thought hey ho, life lesson let’s ring this lady and find out about this job to get me out of here. Rang through and she had no idea who I was and couldn’t remember why she called me (GREAT START!). She asked the usual questions “why are you looking for a job etc” I said I am trying to get out of the Customer Service Role as I want to take up Marketing and I am trying really hard to get a job in that role, which it states all throughout my CV!!!
Her reply “oh, well I have a customer service job role here” …………… FFS. *not only am I now getting annoyed with her but now I am getting annoyed more with the parking ticket*
She then asked as to when I got my degree (does she seriously not look at my CV, it clearly states there!!) I said 2010. Her next reply literally I cried all the way home about this:
“2010, that’s quite a while away isn’t it, if you haven’t had much luck with a marketing job now I doubt that you would be able to get a job in Marketing and your degree doesn’t really mean much”
I was gobsmacked. I therefore replied – “well I don’t want a customer service role, I want a marketing role it says so on my CV, how can I get a job if people are not reading my CV correctly” She then replied that she would “update my details for marketing jobs”.
Drove home crying, feeling absolutely worthless all that time and money. I am stuck in a job I hate, I can’t seem to find a way out and I am no way happy.
Today (21.02.2014) I received ANOTHER voicemail from this lady, stating ” I have found you an amazing job” I rang her back up, and she said “so when did you last apply for a job, why are you looking for a new job in customer service”. THIS IS THE SAME EXACT LADY I SPOKE TO YESTERDAY……….
My reply “I spoke to you yesterday and I clearly said I do not want customer service roles, you said that you would put my name down for Marketing jobs.” This woman is absolutely incompetent of her job, not only does she have appalling customer service, she is forgetful, rude and disheartening. Her reply was “Oh I am sorry, I will state that you want only marketing jobs” I again said “you said that yesterday” and put the phone down.
I seriously couldn’t care if I came across as rude. What would you do?
We all know that we all have different personalities and I am true testament on that. For example I will never say my name on here because I want to say things on my blog that not many people know, I have my Facebook personality, my Twitter, Tumblr and of course work, friends and family. Although we are all one individuals we are all made up of characters within each other.
For example this blog – this blog allows for me to express how I feel without being too personal but I can “name and shame” through different words. I can of course moan about work and show my frustrations with the world. This blog allows me to aspire to what and who I want to be. My creativity, my thoughts, my feelings and my opinions.
My Facebook – is for those who have known me since School, I am sure that people have an opinion of me, whether it be geek, friendly, cool, trustworthy, bitch etc. God knows, it’s where I put up my photos, communicate with those and be pleasant.
Twitter – allows me to express my opinions, unlike Facebook if I don’t want to be your friend of course I won’t be. I have my own personal twitter and of course www.twitter.com/loveyouandthem 😉 if you fancy a follow haha!!
Tumblr – I have again two accounts personal and my tumblr for this account – loveyouandthem.tumblr.com – this account allows me to create an account in which I can express my true likes and dislikes without being judge by my own personal tumblr.
Work – I try not to be different from what I am towards my family, of course you need to show a bit more respect, patience and determination to be good – but most of the time work colleagues can be two faced or stressed and they are sometimes not your true friends, unless you find those unique ones.
Family & Friends – It is without a doubt that every one has these two personalities – I am not even going to go into it, as I bet you will just understand.
So, why do we all have these personalities and why can’t we just be true to ourselves and act as that one person? Are we ashamed? Are we scared? Are we living a lie? Or do we enjoy the thrill?
Welcome to my life.
So I have been single for nearly 6 years now, bugger.
I have been on dates and I talk to boys/men whatever you want to classify them as, but as soon as it starts to get into “do you want to go on a date phase” or they say that they are interested I basically really back off.
What’s wrong!! I want to be in a relationship, but I just have this absolute fear of doing going further. It’s really getting to me now and I do not want to be someone who ends up on their own.