Just friends….or not

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Everyone I am sure in one point in their life has fallen for their friend, and I have been in this position for the past 2 years now. I put my feelings off and off and just thought “nah I can’t like him because I would rather be friends” etc etc and then I start to doubt myself and then it is too late.

I was dating this shit guy (shudders even thinking about it) and my friend (the one that likes me) took me out for a day visit etc and to be honest I really did not know that it was a date until I found out later on. Throughout the “date” lets call it lol it was weird, maybe he was trying to hard but he wasn’t being normal and I thought hey I do kinda like you but if it was just me and you all the time, would it be like this? As I had more interest in shittyguy I kinda glanced over my friend and didn’t see the signs.

We have kissed in the past and he still to this day remembers it 😉 haha jokes no it was very nice.

Anyway, I have this awful awful habit as soon as anyone who likes me gets close to me I back off and I hate it but I automatically do it and thats what happened with him, as shittyguy turned out to be not nice at all. I hid my feelings for so long and he expressed all of his feelings and I just felt awful, still to this day his friends have said that HE STILL likes me. I really do like him and I hate what I did, but now he is with a girlfriend…….. who hates me, probably because he has told her about me.

I am in no way ever ever ever going to break up a relationship never would I do that. But I have also lost a friend due to this girl, even my mutual friends with him agrees as she does not want him talking to anyone. But I would like to go on a date again.

This is what I was scared of, its definitely my fault – absolutely. It has ruined my friendship and I think about him everyday.

Have you been in that position where you are worried to lose your friend because of feelings, but seriously fuck it up.

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Love your Grandparents.

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I am writing this post really openly from the heart, over the next few days will be the 3rd anniversary of my Nan’s death. My Nan was my absolute world, she was there for me when I was down, when I was happy and looked after me when I was young. She was and still is in my eyes one of my favourite people ever. She would always brighten up the room and was loved by many.

My nan was a strong independent funny lady and when we found out a few days before her birthday that she had oesophagus cancer my world turned and flipped upside down. Her decline was quick and she passed away within 3 months.

I to this day remember the heartbreak that I suffered, my Mum and Dad were visiting her in hospital over a number of days. I had seen her before Christmas and she was very jolly and joking with me as much as I remember her, the last time I spoke to her was on the telephone were she demanded I got her out of hospital. I felt awful that I couldn’t help but I knew she was in the best place. Anyway, my parents had come back to pick up some things, and literally as soon as they got in  they received a phone call saying you will need to come back – we live 2 and a half hours away from the hospital. Unfortunately she passed away half an hour before my mum could see her.

I was at home alone and my Dad rang me, I cant even remember what he told me but I just remember crying and screaming, whilst falling to my knees.. I had never felt anything like it before. I couldn’t breathe properly and all I wanted was for someone to hug me. My mums best friend had been informed beforehand and she was driving around to see me, as soon as she saw me she came running up to me and gave me the biggest hug. This day is rarely talked about in my family. I had to tell my brother straight away so we went around to his work place, he was serving and all I did was just go into the work place and he ran towards me. I didn’t say anything he knew.

Absolutely horrible feeling & I want to forget the day but I cannot.

My Grampa passed away when I was 9 and I cannot remember much and my other Grandfather passed away through cancer whilst the family were on holiday. Another horrible evening.

The moral of this story is, please for the love of god and

I cannot express into words how much you should care and love your grandparents as they’re not here forever, they can be your best friend, your support and they will always love you. Look after them as they looked after you.

Sorry that this is such a sad post but I thought I would have to write it.

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