Just friends….or not

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Everyone I am sure in one point in their life has fallen for their friend, and I have been in this position for the past 2 years now. I put my feelings off and off and just thought “nah I can’t like him because I would rather be friends” etc etc and then I start to doubt myself and then it is too late.

I was dating this shit guy (shudders even thinking about it) and my friend (the one that likes me) took me out for a day visit etc and to be honest I really did not know that it was a date until I found out later on. Throughout the “date” lets call it lol it was weird, maybe he was trying to hard but he wasn’t being normal and I thought hey I do kinda like you but if it was just me and you all the time, would it be like this? As I had more interest in shittyguy I kinda glanced over my friend and didn’t see the signs.

We have kissed in the past and he still to this day remembers it 😉 haha jokes no it was very nice.

Anyway, I have this awful awful habit as soon as anyone who likes me gets close to me I back off and I hate it but I automatically do it and thats what happened with him, as shittyguy turned out to be not nice at all. I hid my feelings for so long and he expressed all of his feelings and I just felt awful, still to this day his friends have said that HE STILL likes me. I really do like him and I hate what I did, but now he is with a girlfriend…….. who hates me, probably because he has told her about me.

I am in no way ever ever ever going to break up a relationship never would I do that. But I have also lost a friend due to this girl, even my mutual friends with him agrees as she does not want him talking to anyone. But I would like to go on a date again.

This is what I was scared of, its definitely my fault – absolutely. It has ruined my friendship and I think about him everyday.

Have you been in that position where you are worried to lose your friend because of feelings, but seriously fuck it up.


What is beauty to you?

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What is beauty?

Is the picture above on the right classified as beautiful, normal or thin? Or is the girl on the left curvy, normal or big?

I am guessing just looking from the photo that there are a number of things on here in which girls of today would absolutely love:

1. the tan – or the fake tan – The idea in which to look beautiful you have to be sun-kissed or brown, but not oompa loompa however you spell it. Just enough to give you the glow to make you look “healthy”. I know some people who swear by fake tan, okay it is good for nights out but do you really want to be going around smelling of digestive biscuits. We had a big topic at work today discussing sun beds, I personally object to them due to all the risks and I don’t get the point in them – very vain. Poor girl at work had a bit too long and ended up being red!

2. the fashion – The clothes between the two girls are different, one is more revealing than the other – maybe a subconscious or conscious idea to cover up or to show off in some circumstances. If you saw a “bigger” girl walking down the street with tight and less clothing I know you would judge, but what if it was the other way and the “smaller” girl would be wearing baggy clothes – would she look fashionable or too thin?

3. the thigh gap – the new fashion body trend – The trend at the moment in which young girls and I guess those who are older as well, aspire to have the gap between the thighs, this is not only represented through the media but also through celebrities. Now although I would love a gap between my thighs (yes I am a size UK 18), at what cost would this come to your health (and yes I am aware that my health is probably not at its best either). But why would you put all that strain on yourself to get that gap, what’s it going to bring you apart from having no sweating thighs, easy access to sit on bikes (haha yes that is a thought in my head) or to look amazing when you’re on your holiday and you take “that leg photo”?

4. her body – I personally after all this moaning would absolutely love to have the body on the right, like seriously. Her flat stomach and her good sized boobs, but in an ideal world it would probably take me about 5 years to look that good and even after that I would not probably look as good as her. But I am proud of my hips and my boobs, of course you want to get rid of somethings such as beautiful bingo wings, tummy and neck but I am trying. I am sure that the girl with my idealistic perfect figure would find faults in hers as well. Damn you media. 

So is beauty what we see before us, how we feel inside or both? Can we present beauty as a photo or a word or through speech. Is beauty something in which others have to categorise?

The media is its own worst enemy, it promotes the best looking bodies and idolises them and as soon as that figure puts on 1lb that’s it they’re fat, then hey presto here comes the diet stories. If you are happy with your body embrace it. If you feel like you need to lose or gain a few pounds because of confidence – do it. It’s your body, you have one life. – LIVE IT. 

I don’t know maybe it’s just me