Him.

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I don’t know whether it is just me, I am sure it’s not but I can’t stop thinking about one boy. He is my one regret. Every night now for hours I havent been able to sleep because all I can do is think of him.

We used to be so close, to the point everyone wanted us to be together. One night we got very drunk and went to a different club and had a great night, just the 1 kiss.

I was seeing another guy at the time (NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP, literally 1 date!) and at the time I preferred this other guy. My friend H kept texting me saying he wishes there were more kisses etc (this was a few years ago). I started seeing this other boy, yes I now feel like an absolute twat. H phoned me out of the blue months later out with his girlfriend C and I said you should go talk to her, but again “I would prefer to talk to you”, each time something bad happens in his life he texts me. I said I didn’t have feelings for him because, okay have you seen the movie No Strings Attached, I cannot put into words how much this clip is my love life:

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Each time someone likes me and I did it with the guy I was dating as well, I find all the negative points about them and back myself away from that person. I don’t know whether its my exes fault because they all just dumped me with no reason because I thought they were great and nothing went wrong (in my eyes), I am just so scared.

So I am currently sat here alone feeling very sorry for myself, hating being single. Hating that I have now been single for 6 years. Hating that H is with C because I know and have been told by the person H told this too that he still really likes me. I am no way going to split up a relationship, back in November he tried to kiss me (he was extremely drunk), there’s always been that connection with me and him. But I know if I started dating him I would do this. If this C wasnt so horrible to me on this night out and didn’t make me cry because of the way she acted towards me, I don’t know if I would feel different.

Maybe I am just missing him as a friend, because he never responds to any texts now ie “hi how are you” (these texts are sent 1x every 2 months)

I just………….. im so fucked. Really sad post, I can’t get out my frustrations there are more.

I have tried online dating, but as soon as someone tries to talk to me, im like nope thats it – deleting the account lol.

Help ūüė¶

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Why aren’t dreams a reality! :(

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You know you have those dreams in which you end up waking up and you are so disappointed you woke up, yep I definitely had one of those dreams. I was in secret relationship with a guy called Jamie, I could see his fairly clearly – all his distinguishing features, I could imagine the smell of him, the way he dressed, the way he smiled and the way he talked.

I have never ever as far as I am aware seen this person in my life, it could be a subconscious thing where I have seen him in the street – but it was so real!! I along with “Jamie” were planning our wedding, it was going to apparently a small wedding with only a select few and then a large ceremony. I didn’t even have a dress, I apparently couldn’t care – all our food was haha coming from ASDA and our get away car was a Corsa (glam I know), but I couldn’t care.

It was such a strange dream, like I really wanted it to happen and as always you wake up Рnever been so sad to wake up. Back to old lonely single me lol with no clue as to who this Jamie is. But what the weirdest thing, each time I tune into the TV today they have mentioned a  Jamie.

I have had dreams in the past that have come true, so fingers crossed for this one!!!!!

Oh I wish…… I think my Mum wishes more, god I am turning into a Miranda!

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