Him.

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I don’t know whether it is just me, I am sure it’s not but I can’t stop thinking about one boy. He is my one regret. Every night now for hours I havent been able to sleep because all I can do is think of him.

We used to be so close, to the point everyone wanted us to be together. One night we got very drunk and went to a different club and had a great night, just the 1 kiss.

I was seeing another guy at the time (NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP, literally 1 date!) and at the time I preferred this other guy. My friend H kept texting me saying he wishes there were more kisses etc (this was a few years ago). I started seeing this other boy, yes I now feel like an absolute twat. H phoned me out of the blue months later out with his girlfriend C and I said you should go talk to her, but again “I would prefer to talk to you”, each time something bad happens in his life he texts me. I said I didn’t have feelings for him because, okay have you seen the movie No Strings Attached, I cannot put into words how much this clip is my love life:

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Each time someone likes me and I did it with the guy I was dating as well, I find all the negative points about them and back myself away from that person. I don’t know whether its my exes fault because they all just dumped me with no reason because I thought they were great and nothing went wrong (in my eyes), I am just so scared.

So I am currently sat here alone feeling very sorry for myself, hating being single. Hating that I have now been single for 6 years. Hating that H is with C because I know and have been told by the person H told this too that he still really likes me. I am no way going to split up a relationship, back in November he tried to kiss me (he was extremely drunk), there’s always been that connection with me and him. But I know if I started dating him I would do this. If this C wasnt so horrible to me on this night out and didn’t make me cry because of the way she acted towards me, I don’t know if I would feel different.

Maybe I am just missing him as a friend, because he never responds to any texts now ie “hi how are you” (these texts are sent 1x every 2 months)

I just………….. im so fucked. Really sad post, I can’t get out my frustrations there are more.

I have tried online dating, but as soon as someone tries to talk to me, im like nope thats it – deleting the account lol.

Help 😦

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Why aren’t dreams a reality! :(

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You know you have those dreams in which you end up waking up and you are so disappointed you woke up, yep I definitely had one of those dreams. I was in secret relationship with a guy called Jamie, I could see his fairly clearly – all his distinguishing features, I could imagine the smell of him, the way he dressed, the way he smiled and the way he talked.

I have never ever as far as I am aware seen this person in my life, it could be a subconscious thing where I have seen him in the street – but it was so real!! I along with “Jamie” were planning our wedding, it was going to apparently a small wedding with only a select few and then a large ceremony. I didn’t even have a dress, I apparently couldn’t care – all our food was haha coming from ASDA and our get away car was a Corsa (glam I know), but I couldn’t care.

It was such a strange dream, like I really wanted it to happen and as always you wake up – never been so sad to wake up. Back to old lonely single me lol with no clue as to who this Jamie is. But what the weirdest thing, each time I tune into the TV today they have mentioned a  Jamie.

I have had dreams in the past that have come true, so fingers crossed for this one!!!!!

Oh I wish…… I think my Mum wishes more, god I am turning into a Miranda!

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