Missing 1 part in my life – love .

large (3)We all crave for that love, for that affection, for that person to make us feel like a whole and to make us feel unique, special, crazy, stupid and just you. Are we looking for our Prince Charming, does he even exist, or do we really have to kiss so many frogs to find him.

I know I would love to find someone, I have been single for nearly 6 years now. I have dated on and off, but god I am hating being single now, especially at 25 years old, and the fact nearly everyone around me is either, in a relationship, married, engaged or having/starting a family.

I do like my independence, but I am definitely missing that comfort of someone else liking me and it’s not just my friends or family.

I don’t have a type, my type is just whoever I like. They can be big, thin, muscly, blonde, brunette, black, red head, as long as they treat me nice and keep me happy that’s the main thing.

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One for all and all for one – Best Friends.

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In my life I have 6 close/best girl friends whatever you wish to call them, I have 1 that comes from Uni who lives nearly 2 hours away from me, another from school who lives 6 hours away from me and 3 others who live in the town the same as me. We all have different backgrounds and we are all very different. But whatever happens, I am there for them, I stick up for them and I trust them and of course if anyone hurts them, makes them upset or anything negative towards them I will back my girl up.

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Over the past few weeks, I have realised that my girl friends have been needing people and needing extra support than usual. I feel like sometimes I cannot be in all places but I am trying my up most best.

University BFF – My Uni friend and I have gone through so much together, I have been through things with her in a complete up and down situation. We got on like a house on fire within 1 week of living together and we lived together for 3 years after that. Throughout that time we had all the best times, the laughs, the memories, the photographs and the best nights out. But then on the other hand she went through some of the worst things, she tried to commit suicide on a number of occasions, whether it was through overdose or slitting her wrists. As well as this she was being mental abused by her boyfriend who I also lived with, she became bulimic and was put on anti depressants. Whilst we were in hospital, I had to go outside and of course cry and let it all out to my family. She refused to talk to her family and I had to break it to them, me and her family are very strong. Since she has left Uni the best thing happened, she met someone who made her life the best…. 2 weeks ago she had her second little girl and could not be happier with her and the little girls…..  apart from the boyfriend.

What would you do in my position, she tells me that her boyfriend is cheating on her, she wants to leave but is too scared to, he won’t visit family or friends. I have never met him and theyve been together 2 years now. If I were living down there I honestly would tell it straight to his face, as I did with the abuser.

I am fed up of men controlling women. Women should be strong, powerful, individuals – we lead our own lives, we do not lead the life of our other half!!! 

HOME BFFS – We hardly see each other there is always an excuse, I don’t know whether its just me because I am not from around this area – but we just don’t pop around each other’s houses. We have to always meet up as a 4 not just as a 2 or a 3. It’s very frustrating. 3 of us work full time, 1 is a nurse, myself and another girl – the other girl is part time and a mummy. It is very hard, but I see other friendship groups going out all the time, clubbing etc. I want to have that back, very frustrating. I am also single along with the mummy one and its very hard to meet someone. I love these girls to pieces I have known them all 7 years plus and when we do get together its the best time, we know all our insides out and we are always there for each other. The mummy has just had an operation in London for a lung op and she unfortunately made the statement that none of us went to see her, I did state that I was off for 3 weeks unable to walk due to my back injury but I still feel like shit for not going. Ah I dunno!!!

SCHOOL BFF – She has moved to Leeds, I live in Kent… bit of a distance. All we can do is Facebook message / text each other. We had the strongest bond at school but unfortunately we live so far apart its ridiculous. But as my photo says, we don’t talk or see each other every day – but we always have each other’s backs.

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Maybe it’s just me and I am feeling lonely at the moment. But I would suggest that we do need a bit more of this in our lives, as 90’s kids I think we should definitely stick to this rule: GIRL POWER!!

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What do you think?

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Him.

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I don’t know whether it is just me, I am sure it’s not but I can’t stop thinking about one boy. He is my one regret. Every night now for hours I havent been able to sleep because all I can do is think of him.

We used to be so close, to the point everyone wanted us to be together. One night we got very drunk and went to a different club and had a great night, just the 1 kiss.

I was seeing another guy at the time (NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP, literally 1 date!) and at the time I preferred this other guy. My friend H kept texting me saying he wishes there were more kisses etc (this was a few years ago). I started seeing this other boy, yes I now feel like an absolute twat. H phoned me out of the blue months later out with his girlfriend C and I said you should go talk to her, but again “I would prefer to talk to you”, each time something bad happens in his life he texts me. I said I didn’t have feelings for him because, okay have you seen the movie No Strings Attached, I cannot put into words how much this clip is my love life:

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Each time someone likes me and I did it with the guy I was dating as well, I find all the negative points about them and back myself away from that person. I don’t know whether its my exes fault because they all just dumped me with no reason because I thought they were great and nothing went wrong (in my eyes), I am just so scared.

So I am currently sat here alone feeling very sorry for myself, hating being single. Hating that I have now been single for 6 years. Hating that H is with C because I know and have been told by the person H told this too that he still really likes me. I am no way going to split up a relationship, back in November he tried to kiss me (he was extremely drunk), there’s always been that connection with me and him. But I know if I started dating him I would do this. If this C wasnt so horrible to me on this night out and didn’t make me cry because of the way she acted towards me, I don’t know if I would feel different.

Maybe I am just missing him as a friend, because he never responds to any texts now ie “hi how are you” (these texts are sent 1x every 2 months)

I just………….. im so fucked. Really sad post, I can’t get out my frustrations there are more.

I have tried online dating, but as soon as someone tries to talk to me, im like nope thats it – deleting the account lol.

Help 😦

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My amazing Mum…

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I never thank my mum enough: 

 

Over the past three years she has been amazing, I know that I am really trying to not be personal here or say a lot of what my life is about, but she has had to deal with so much.

2 years ago, she lost her mother (my favourite ever person, who I still love and miss everyday) from cancer suddenly, she had just started a new job around this time which she enjoyed and she had to give it up as we lived too far away from my nan and she wanted to look after her. A few months after my nan passing away we had a house fire, my bedroom and the downstairs was damaged but the image of my mum being dragged away trying to save her house screaming was emotional to see. Months and months passed by and she was trying to get herself back together again, she gained a new job and her back went. A few weeks off from this and she hardly ever moaned.

Finally middle of last year, we received a phone call in the early hours in the morning in which my dad was taken to hospital from a fall, he had suffered a very bad brain injury and was close to fatal. She had to go away for 2-3 weeks over 200 miles away to a town she had never been before on her own, sleeping in a hotel, going to the cinema, trying to keep her mind of things, whilst trying to be strong for myself and my brother. My dad has never fully recovered, he is different but he is still my dad – he was in 3 different hospitals including a rehab unit. The idea at one point that he had no idea who she was, was devastating for her. 4 months passed and my dad was allowed home, of course there have been massive ups and downs, but she has dealt with them.

My mum has got herself back up, she now has the most perfect job for her where she comes home everyday smiling and happy. She tries to not let things get to her.

Last year she surprised me by taking me to see my favourite  ever band which I have loved for over 10 years. She had arranged secretly to get the boys from the band to sign a card, in which no one else had received in the queue for the concert.

Even though we argue, we bicker and we disagree on somethings I would not change my mum for anyone. She is the best. Even though it is only a little thank you me and my brother are taking her to Harry Potter in London just to say thanks. I wish we could do more for her.

As well as this, Mothers Day makes you realise how much you are so lucky to have a Mum, someone to talk to when you need to. Make sure as well you say thank you to your Nan’s they are Mums too and deserve as much recognition!!

Do not be ashamed to say,

I Love my Mum

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My Fake Future Wedding Ideas

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I am going to do the weird girl post of what I wish for my wedding in the future, I am a single girl and of course as a single girl in your mid 20’s you see lots of your friends becoming engaged or in long term relationships and you’re sat there as I am now watching Bridget Jones thinking …….. bugger. I therefore thought I would put together a group of photographs as to what my ideal wedding  would be (in my head!).

The dress: 

As someone who is a size 18 you really do not want a dress to make you look even “bigger” than you do in a daily life, you want to feel beautiful and just desirable, you want to feel special. I have looked at lots of different designs (yes I am that sad!) and I have come up with my top six , I am not going to write about them or tell you as to why I love them – I would just like you to have a look:

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The Shoes:

I am if you have not read previous blogs a lover of shoes, I would prefer if we would all walk around bare footed or in socks but then again I wouldn’t want my feet going in any needles or lots of rocks haha. But shoes are essential for the wedding, I have the idea of course from other brides that heels are not a thing to wear, great to look at but that’s about it, you need to dance the night away a lot of time on your heels and if you aren’t drunk there is going to be pain.

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The Bridesmaids:

I haven’t thought how many bridesmaids I would have or even would I would chose for that matter – I also know that through my friends most of the time they hate the dress so I would like something that they are comfortable to be in, but in order to work with the theme the bridesmaids would need to carry this colour and this is what I think:

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The Groom:

The Groom can do as he wishes, as long as he is smart and he has a tie or a silk tie which is the same colour as the theme of the wedding. There is too much emphasis on it being the brides decision but the groom is there as well, if he is not there there is no wedding.

So here is some pictures of some gorgeous groom suits that I just think oooh hello 😉 :

PS  a man in a suit is just the best look!!

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Trinkets and the look:

Each wedding is unique to that couple, so as I do not know who the mystery man is yet and what the similarities we have together – these are all mine mwahaha.

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Hope that you enjoyed this, I did and now I feel rubbish as I am single 😦 boooooohoooo

 

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