Just friends….or not

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Everyone I am sure in one point in their life has fallen for their friend, and I have been in this position for the past 2 years now. I put my feelings off and off and just thought “nah I can’t like him because I would rather be friends” etc etc and then I start to doubt myself and then it is too late.

I was dating this shit guy (shudders even thinking about it) and my friend (the one that likes me) took me out for a day visit etc and to be honest I really did not know that it was a date until I found out later on. Throughout the “date” lets call it lol it was weird, maybe he was trying to hard but he wasn’t being normal and I thought hey I do kinda like you but if it was just me and you all the time, would it be like this? As I had more interest in shittyguy I kinda glanced over my friend and didn’t see the signs.

We have kissed in the past and he still to this day remembers it 😉 haha jokes no it was very nice.

Anyway, I have this awful awful habit as soon as anyone who likes me gets close to me I back off and I hate it but I automatically do it and thats what happened with him, as shittyguy turned out to be not nice at all. I hid my feelings for so long and he expressed all of his feelings and I just felt awful, still to this day his friends have said that HE STILL likes me. I really do like him and I hate what I did, but now he is with a girlfriend…….. who hates me, probably because he has told her about me.

I am in no way ever ever ever going to break up a relationship never would I do that. But I have also lost a friend due to this girl, even my mutual friends with him agrees as she does not want him talking to anyone. But I would like to go on a date again.

This is what I was scared of, its definitely my fault – absolutely. It has ruined my friendship and I think about him everyday.

Have you been in that position where you are worried to lose your friend because of feelings, but seriously fuck it up.

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Love to love yourself….

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We all have those bad bits on our body which we hate, which we want to change and what we would rather not look at. So I thought I would just get it off my chest:

  • My Stomach
  • My Legs
  • My Neck
  • My Hair (trichotillomania sufferer)
  • My PCOS
  • My IBS
  • My TOS (thoracic outlet syndrome) along with a further trapped nerve and my scars on my neck
  • My anxiety.

BUT on the other hand, I should also love parts of me as I have to live with me all my life and it is up to me to change some of those things so – I like:

  • My Hair Colour
  • My Eyes
  • My smile
  • My patience
  • I am easy to get to know
  • I am relaxed
  • My height
  • My boobs haha!
  • My characteristics on my face
  • My confidence when I do not care.

Although we all hate ourselves some days and just want to hide away, someone else may love our bad bits. So learn to love each part of you.

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Moany March no no

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The past two + months I have become a right old moaning person, I hate moaning – I am known to my friends, family and peers to be a positive person. But even myself I have noticed that I am just becoming absolutely negative with so many things. An ex colleague of mine I bumped into and she said “oh I keep up to date with your moans and quips on facebook”. It made me realise oh god I am moaning far too much and it really isn’t me. It could be those I am surrounding myself with, as I have not seen my main girlies for ages, it could be that I really do not like/enjoy my job and also that I am not getting enough sleep. So what I thought I would do is to put a list together of all the positive things in my life at the moment, here we go!:

  • I have my family who love me
  • I have some really close girl friends
  • Some of my girl friends have children, who I love and they like me back
  • My bestest friend is due a baby at the end of this month – come into the world baby Alice
  • I have a secure job
  • I earn money
  • I have a home
  • I can drive
  • I am going to Greece in the Summer
  • My family are happy
  • My Nan is still with us
  • My body is okay
  • I know who my true friends are
  • I know who I am

Maybe you should do a positive life list of all the things that you love/like or are pleased with for those sad days.

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Must learn to relax.

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We all relax in different ways, some like to read a book, listen to music, do an activity, see their friends, be busy or just sit in an empty room (whatever floats your boat). One of the ways I like to relax is to just not be involved within technology and social media at all, turning off my phone – logging off twitter/facebook etc and just having “me” time.

I have two websites which I use often, one for relaxation purposes and the other when I am feeling absolutely rubbish about myself – both of these links I have now put on my blog so please if you ever feel down or anxiety issues are raised please check it out. I promise you it will help you!

If they don’t, you have tried.

The links are:

“Do Nothing for 2 mins”

“My Quiet Place”

“Those rainy days”

I really do hope that they help just one person out there, if it is only that one person and if it is you – let me know.

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Day went from OKAY to awful in 5 minutes.

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Not only did I have to compete with my day to day job of all the hassle and negativity from the wonderful general public, I was awaiting for the clock to tick to 4pm so I could go home. I had received a voicemail from a job company wishing to speak to me about a “great job” which they had found for me and I couldn’t wait to call through to them at 4pm.

As I was walking down to my car, I saw this flash of yellow on the windscreen………… a f**king parking ticket. Great. My first ever parking ticket, felt absolutely awful but also giggled inside I thought only me! I had bought a weekly ticket but it ran out a few hours earlier and the bloody eager beaver of a parking attendant (ie jobsworth) was there waiting for me to go into the office, according to the time he ticketed me.

So, I sat down opened up the parking ticket and saw it was a £45 charge – you have got to be kidding me!! OF course I will pay but that’s just bloody ridiculous the amount of people that do not park in that carpark but because I  was there before 8 when early bird jobsworth comes around he ticketed me.

Anyway so I thought hey ho, life lesson let’s ring this lady and find out about this job to get me out of here. Rang through and she had no idea who I was and couldn’t remember why she called me (GREAT START!). She asked the usual questions “why are you looking for a job etc” I said I am trying to get out of the Customer Service Role as I want to take up Marketing and I am trying really hard to get a job in that role, which it states all throughout my CV!!!

Her reply “oh, well I have a customer service job role here” …………… FFS. *not only am I now getting annoyed with her but now I am getting annoyed more with the parking ticket*

She then asked as to when I got my degree (does she seriously not look at my CV, it clearly states there!!) I said 2010. Her next reply literally I cried all the way home about this:

“2010, that’s quite a while away isn’t it, if you haven’t had much luck with a marketing job now I doubt that you would be able to get a job in Marketing and your degree doesn’t really mean much”

I was gobsmacked. I therefore replied – “well I don’t want a customer service role, I want a marketing role it says so on my CV, how can I get a job if people are not reading my CV correctly” She then replied that she would “update my details for marketing jobs”.

Drove home crying, feeling absolutely worthless all that time and money. I am stuck in a job I hate, I can’t seem to find a way out and I am no way happy.

Today (21.02.2014) I received ANOTHER voicemail from this lady, stating ” I have found you an amazing job” I rang her back up, and she said “so when did you last apply for a job, why are you looking for a new job in customer service”. THIS IS THE SAME EXACT LADY I SPOKE TO YESTERDAY………. 

My reply “I spoke to you yesterday and I clearly said I do not want customer service roles, you said that you would put my name down for Marketing jobs.” This woman is absolutely incompetent of her job, not only does she have appalling customer service, she is forgetful, rude and disheartening.  Her reply was “Oh I am sorry, I will state that you want only marketing jobs” I again said “you said that yesterday” and put the phone down.

I seriously couldn’t care if I came across as rude. What would you do?

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