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I don’t know whether it is just me, I am sure it’s not but I can’t stop thinking about one boy. He is my one regret. Every night now for hours I havent been able to sleep because all I can do is think of him.

We used to be so close, to the point everyone wanted us to be together. One night we got very drunk and went to a different club and had a great night, just the 1 kiss.

I was seeing another guy at the time (NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP, literally 1 date!) and at the time I preferred this other guy. My friend H kept texting me saying he wishes there were more kisses etc (this was a few years ago). I started seeing this other boy, yes I now feel like an absolute twat. H phoned me out of the blue months later out with his girlfriend C and I said you should go talk to her, but again “I would prefer to talk to you”, each time something bad happens in his life he texts me. I said I didn’t have feelings for him because, okay have you seen the movie No Strings Attached, I cannot put into words how much this clip is my love life:


Each time someone likes me and I did it with the guy I was dating as well, I find all the negative points about them and back myself away from that person. I don’t know whether its my exes fault because they all just dumped me with no reason because I thought they were great and nothing went wrong (in my eyes), I am just so scared.

So I am currently sat here alone feeling very sorry for myself, hating being single. Hating that I have now been single for 6 years. Hating that H is with C because I know and have been told by the person H told this too that he still really likes me. I am no way going to split up a relationship, back in November he tried to kiss me (he was extremely drunk), there’s always been that connection with me and him. But I know if I started dating him I would do this. If this C wasnt so horrible to me on this night out and didn’t make me cry because of the way she acted towards me, I don’t know if I would feel different.

Maybe I am just missing him as a friend, because he never responds to any texts now ie “hi how are you” (these texts are sent 1x every 2 months)

I just………….. im so fucked. Really sad post, I can’t get out my frustrations there are more.

I have tried online dating, but as soon as someone tries to talk to me, im like nope thats it – deleting the account lol.

Help 😦


Obligatory Valentines Day Single Awareness Post.

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So here we are my most favourite day of the year…… valentines day, yay (!)

25 years later and I have been single for every 25 of those years, each year I see the merchandise, the flowers, the cards, the balloons, stuffed animals, just RED! RED EVERYWHERE. (It doesn’t help that I cant stand the colour red). 

I know a lot of single people will dislike this day as it just feels like its being rubbed in your face, but it’s down to you if you make others affect you like that. Valentines day or Hallmark day as many call it now, is a day to show your loved one that you love them. Whether it is a big or small gift, no gift or just words, you are declaring that you like/love them and no one else. Which I think is just adorable. 

Of course I would absolutely love that, I am the type of girl that doesn’t even get a card – how miserable is that!! So I really don’t know any difference at all. Then there are the girls & boys who get all the attention, that’s my jealousy. 

So bring on 15th of February – Single Awareness Day. 

If anyone wishes to join me with a dinner for 1, a bottle of wine and a romantic comedy tomorrow night (14.02.2014) then you are more than welcome….


Why aren’t dreams a reality! :(

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You know you have those dreams in which you end up waking up and you are so disappointed you woke up, yep I definitely had one of those dreams. I was in secret relationship with a guy called Jamie, I could see his fairly clearly – all his distinguishing features, I could imagine the smell of him, the way he dressed, the way he smiled and the way he talked.

I have never ever as far as I am aware seen this person in my life, it could be a subconscious thing where I have seen him in the street – but it was so real!! I along with “Jamie” were planning our wedding, it was going to apparently a small wedding with only a select few and then a large ceremony. I didn’t even have a dress, I apparently couldn’t care – all our food was haha coming from ASDA and our get away car was a Corsa (glam I know), but I couldn’t care.

It was such a strange dream, like I really wanted it to happen and as always you wake up – never been so sad to wake up. Back to old lonely single me lol with no clue as to who this Jamie is. But what the weirdest thing, each time I tune into the TV today they have mentioned a  Jamie.

I have had dreams in the past that have come true, so fingers crossed for this one!!!!!

Oh I wish…… I think my Mum wishes more, god I am turning into a Miranda!


love is love.

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I believe that love is love, if you love someone whether they are the opposite sex to you, whether they are the same sex or “both” love is love.

I personally do not believe in any God or religion and I have my own view on life, if you wish to love someone then it is up to you, as long as they treat you right and make you happy it is the best thing to do for you.

If others are not happy with your choice, then they need to try and accept your life. I know that nowadays it is more accepting, but imagine living 100+ years ago and how hard it must have been for those.

Remember, love is love and no one can deny you of it.


So frustrated with myself.

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Welcome to my life. 

So I have been single for nearly 6 years now, bugger.

I have been on dates and I talk to boys/men whatever you want to classify them as, but as soon as it starts to get into “do you want to go on a date phase” or they say that they are interested I basically really back off.

What’s wrong!! I want to be in a relationship, but I just have this absolute fear of doing going further. It’s really getting to me now and I do not want to be someone who ends up on their own.

Any suggestions?