Being 30, i thought it would be different

Hey!

So I’ve been 30 for over 4 months now, nearly 5 and I’m slowly getting around to the idea that I’m 30. It’s still weird to see it written down, and when people ask how old I am, again it’s odd. I find it even stranger when I see people on TV that I personally think look older, and they end up being 33 or 34. I just think “fuck, is it all downhill from now?”.

When I was little, I had so many ideas of what being 30 would be. I thought I would have:

  • A successful career
  • 2 kids
  • A nice house
  • Married

Looking at that list above, I was thinking probably about my parents. At aged 30, they were getting there. But nowadays it seems that you either have your shit together or you’re struggling to get your shit together.

I am in the latter.

I’m not even joking, everyday since turning 30 I have thought to myself, why am I 30 and how did I get here? Like, I havent moved out yet, I haven’t met someone to be happy with yet, and my job… well. Meh.

But all of those, are to be confirmed arent they? I’m only 30, I’m a young 30 and that’s what I have to focus on.

So what, that all my best friends now have kids, so what that they are all happy with someone or loving the single mum life. They may look at my life and think (God knows why) wow I want her life, the independence.

I think being 30 so far as taught me more about myself. I know what I like, what I dont like and what I put up with. I love:

  • Happiness
  • Glitter
  • Colour
  • Makeup
  • Taking the old selfie
  • Going places on my own
  • Family

What i dont love is:

  • People who talk about themselves
  • Gym lovers
  • Politics
  • Argumentative people
  • Pushy people.

I’ve learnt to say no more. Ive learnt to say “I love you” to those who truly deserve it. Ive learnt that, although I may not think it at the time, I’m ok.

There are so many areas that I need to learn and to love about myself, but I’m getting there.

Currently I am going through a huge phase of absolutely not knowing what to do with my career. I feel absolutely out of my depth, and its getting to the point where I used to love to go into work, and now I dont want to. I havent felt like that in years. But I’ve taken career test after career test and I honestly dont know what I want out of life.

I’m hoping, that the next 7/8 months before I turn 31 that I learn what I want and what makes me happy.

But in the meantime, I’m trying to accept more, to have a more open mind. Life is too short, and I know this more than ever at the moment as my Nan has terminal cancer. She is just a beautiful kind lady, and its gonna hurt life fuck when she goes, so for now we all take it in turns to call her everyday to say “I love you”.

I therefore put it to you, to make sure you say “I love you” every day to someone special. Itll brighten their day.

Dear 15 year old self……..

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I have seen a number of these blogs about lately and I thought I would have a go, my 15 year old self was 10 years ago so this will take some thoughts and thinking, which as someone like me is gonna be a challenge in itself! HAHA!

My 15 year old self was an overweight, self conscious, geek who went to an all girls grammar school who had a strong friendship group. To this day that sounds pretty much the same as my life now, so this is definitely going to be interesting as I will probably use this advice for nowadays. Hmm.

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 I think I will just do these in points really:

  • Kiss that boy, it will lead to nothing
  • Alcohol is good LOL.
  • Don’t try and get with the popular lot,  your friends are true
  • Learn to appreciate your friends as 6th form we all go to different groups
  • Really focus on your work
  • Try not to keep being late
  • Try and interact with boys more
  • Do more social activities
  • Do more school activities
  • Take up a sport
  • You really aren’t as fat as you think you are
  • Really decide what you want in life
  • DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR CAREERS ADVISOR, YOU DO NOT NEED TO DO ALEVELS IN MATHS, ENGLISH & SCIENCE TO BECOME A TEACHER!!
  • Don’t do something because its with the trend
  • Get close to him (on the bus)
  • See a Dr sooner
  • Do something with your appearance, put some effort in girl – do your hair and make up!
  • Don’t bother choosing ICT for GCSE
  • If you are going to do Graphics for GCSE please think before you make that 3D children playground
  • If you want to read, read…..
  • If you want to do that geeky thing do it…..

There you go 🙂

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The past 5 years post… 15 facts.

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As it’s the start of a brand new month the wonderful April, I was thinking as to what has happened within the past 5 years in my life and therefore I was thinking maybe this may be an interesting post to put together and to lift some weight off my shoulders as well. It may not make any sense to you but it makes a lot of sense to me and because it’s my blog that’s how it’s gonna go! haha! 15 points.

1. I passed Uni – I got a BA Hons 2:2 in Marketing with the Entertainment Industry being my desired sector of degree. If you are at Uni now, get as much as experience as you can, take that sandwich year, take that volunteer work do anything. I got a 2:2 and I am finding it so hard to get a job, I can’t get any experience as I got a 2:2 and my job won’t let me volunteer. So if I could go back in time, really knuckle down, don’t be afraid to be a geek and just be so positive.

2. My Nan passed away – she was and she still is my favourite person ever. She made me laugh, cry with tears of laughter, gave the best hugs and she was my mums mum so there will always be that strong connection. She lived 30 minutes away from my Uni so when I had issues with my housemates or exes she took me in for the night. I miss her and think of her every day and night. Hate you cancer. The worst day of my life, I can vividly remember every minute of that day still.

3. My Dad had a brain injury – he fell down a flight of stairs and was close to death, he was in Cardiff where I live in Kent, we received a phone call at 4am in the morning saying we had to get down there now. It took months of hospital visits and rehab visits but he is 90% better now, he will never recover, but I love him.

4. Babies – two of my best friends had babies in the 5 years, 1 of them is now 5 and the other is 2 this year with a sister about to be born this week hopefully and I love them to pieces!!!!

5. House Fire – our tumble dryer set alight and the house was on fire, all of the bottom of the house was completely black. Lost so many possessions and it was just so scary.

6. My Brother – he got into Uni and is loving life right now!

7. My other Nan – at the age of 79 she recovered from cancer and ive never been so prouder of her ever.

8. I changed jobs – I worked in Morrisons for 7 years and I finally changed jobs, not sure if it’s for the better but I got out of there!

9. Lust/Love – I wish that I knew how to control the negative scared feelings towards love otherwise I would be with my best friend right now.

10. Not to be scared – at uni one of my housemates nearly every night for 2 years mentally abused my best friend, she tried to commit suicide on so many occasions. I was there for her but I have become a stronger person now and I hate that man now, if I ever had a relationship like those two… well there wouldn’t be one.

11. Pain – I found out that I had thoracic outlet syndrome, I had the operation in which they cut away muscle to release a blood vessel from the bone and the pain is there still and I am left with 2 scars on my neck which I wore scarves for over 4 months because I hated them so much. I still have a huge collection of scars incase I have down days

12. Car – I passed my driving test first time around with 1 minor – get me!!

13. Cry – I cry at pretty much anything now, I blame certain points above.

14. Friendship – I have definitely began to realise that when you get older you definitely learn who your true friends are. Those friendship groups in schools dont stick together, you wont keep in touch with everyone and of course everyone talks behind each others backs. As long as you have a few selective friends who you know you can trust 100 % that’s all you need. Dont try and get friends to be popular, dont become friends with someone because they look cool, fashionable or say “the right things”, become friends with someone because you truly feel comfortable around them.

15. Family – Family is the most important thing in the world.

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Day went from OKAY to awful in 5 minutes.

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Not only did I have to compete with my day to day job of all the hassle and negativity from the wonderful general public, I was awaiting for the clock to tick to 4pm so I could go home. I had received a voicemail from a job company wishing to speak to me about a “great job” which they had found for me and I couldn’t wait to call through to them at 4pm.

As I was walking down to my car, I saw this flash of yellow on the windscreen………… a f**king parking ticket. Great. My first ever parking ticket, felt absolutely awful but also giggled inside I thought only me! I had bought a weekly ticket but it ran out a few hours earlier and the bloody eager beaver of a parking attendant (ie jobsworth) was there waiting for me to go into the office, according to the time he ticketed me.

So, I sat down opened up the parking ticket and saw it was a £45 charge – you have got to be kidding me!! OF course I will pay but that’s just bloody ridiculous the amount of people that do not park in that carpark but because I  was there before 8 when early bird jobsworth comes around he ticketed me.

Anyway so I thought hey ho, life lesson let’s ring this lady and find out about this job to get me out of here. Rang through and she had no idea who I was and couldn’t remember why she called me (GREAT START!). She asked the usual questions “why are you looking for a job etc” I said I am trying to get out of the Customer Service Role as I want to take up Marketing and I am trying really hard to get a job in that role, which it states all throughout my CV!!!

Her reply “oh, well I have a customer service job role here” …………… FFS. *not only am I now getting annoyed with her but now I am getting annoyed more with the parking ticket*

She then asked as to when I got my degree (does she seriously not look at my CV, it clearly states there!!) I said 2010. Her next reply literally I cried all the way home about this:

“2010, that’s quite a while away isn’t it, if you haven’t had much luck with a marketing job now I doubt that you would be able to get a job in Marketing and your degree doesn’t really mean much”

I was gobsmacked. I therefore replied – “well I don’t want a customer service role, I want a marketing role it says so on my CV, how can I get a job if people are not reading my CV correctly” She then replied that she would “update my details for marketing jobs”.

Drove home crying, feeling absolutely worthless all that time and money. I am stuck in a job I hate, I can’t seem to find a way out and I am no way happy.

Today (21.02.2014) I received ANOTHER voicemail from this lady, stating ” I have found you an amazing job” I rang her back up, and she said “so when did you last apply for a job, why are you looking for a new job in customer service”. THIS IS THE SAME EXACT LADY I SPOKE TO YESTERDAY………. 

My reply “I spoke to you yesterday and I clearly said I do not want customer service roles, you said that you would put my name down for Marketing jobs.” This woman is absolutely incompetent of her job, not only does she have appalling customer service, she is forgetful, rude and disheartening.  Her reply was “Oh I am sorry, I will state that you want only marketing jobs” I again said “you said that yesterday” and put the phone down.

I seriously couldn’t care if I came across as rude. What would you do?

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90’s Little Girl Memories

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The 90’s appear to be more and more a great era to have been a little girl, I was a little girl in this decade. I was born in 1989 in the UK, so all of my childhood was throughout the 90’s so I can definitely state that I am a 90’s kid. If you were born 1995+ I do not classify you to be a 90’s kid as hardly any one remembers the first 5 years of your life. *sorry not sorry*

I’ve chosen a number of pictures which represent how I feel about the 90’s:

Continue reading “90’s Little Girl Memories”