If you follow my blog you will know that I do try and keep my posts really positive, but for the past few months I have had several occasions where I have felt absolutely shite from finishing work. My previous posts have stated that I work in customer service for the local council and about 80% of the time I really like my job, I find it so rewarding to help others and since the working age of 16 I have been in customer service based roles. I myself am quite a chilled out girl, I don’t particularly like to argue, I don’t like to be argued with and I am definitely not going to slam my views on anyone. But I have had enough of coming home crying.
Today in the UK and I am sure if you have heard through Social Networking, we lost a lovely beautiful man today. Stephen Sutton was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 15 and he didn’t get down at all. In his last few weeks he gained so much coverage of his story, with his original aim of raising £10,000 for Teenage Cancer Trust he has now raised nearly £3.5 million!! He gained 5A*’s and 4As and 3A*s with his A Levels and an A in self taught Psychology when Doctors told him, he should take a year out of University.
Unfortunately today Stephen passed away and it is heartbreaking. I have only known of this story for the past few months and I cant imagine those who he touched lives and heart with personally. He had a bucket list that he wanted to do and nearly fulfilled it all, it was just amazing. Here’s a video of him explaining everything:
I am a part of my social team at my work, I make it my aim to bring positivity to the work place. My work place is a very stressful environment and we don’t often get much praise from the management, so I take it upon myself every week to not only present positive news through the centre, but also to bring in activity days and charity days (children in need, sports relief, etc).
This month we have decided to bring in the awards, the titles were chosen whilst I was off but I decided to make them a bit more special 🙂 I therefore thought I would take you through my day. I stupidly missed some photos but I hope you get the jist of them.
I had this idea in my head to get together a little box and make it full of glitter, colours and of course some lovely gifts inside. This is what I started out with, neon card, sprinkles, glitter glue and congratulation sprinkles. Mapping out the designs I started getting going.
This is part way through, I had to do 9 awards. Each category is different, some are unisex and others are for either just male or female. I could see glitter going everywhere, card everywhere and my hands were starting to stick together!! I then realised that one of the “congratulations” packs had “grad” in it, and I thought ooh noo they’re for graduating!! But in the end I just could not be arsed with this lol!
Here is one of the awards, they are being kept in cupcake holder boxes which I got from Poundland. The awards themselves are from a fancy dress shop, these inside have the “congratulations” and as well as this, the card in which they are stuck down to are all individually decorated. Each box contains a mini “champagne” bottle, which is in fact blowing bubbles and finally two packets of Haribo!!
This is what they will see when they open up the box, as you can see the award is in the window, with each box having a different coloured bottom. Here is what is underneath the Haribo and Champagne, each one like I said is decorated with lots of glitter, confetti and glue covered glitter. With this one as it was “most knowledgeable” I stupidly ran out of room on the award and its all a bit blurred so therefore I had to add this in.
3 hours later, I had finally finished and as you can tell I made a hella lot of mess. I hope to god that there are not any joint winners but if there are I am sure I can make some more. So here are my final designs 🙂
Remember work is work and you need to work, but you also need to play too and have fun with your colleagues and of course praise them.
If you are a regular reader of my blog you may have noticed that I have not blogged in a while, it’s not because I have not had things to talk about – I always have things to talk about, but it’s because I just have been feeling really down lately – mentally and physically.
I absolutely cannot stand my job anymore, I hate going in the morning, I hate having all these new targets, I hate never being rewarded for all the good things you do and I hate how pinickity it has become. For example, my buses have been late ( I have made a formal complaint to the bus company ) which meant that I have been late more than 30 minutes IN TOTAL over 1 month. I cannot help it, I leave earlier and the buses are still late, I got a shitty email from my team leader stating it is “not acceptable” to be late, even being “3 minutes early” is not good enough………… This is a company who time you for how long you go to the toilet, who do not pay you after the shift finishes if you are stuck on a phone call, expects you to be there 10-15 minutes there before you start work to set up even though you don’t get paid for that. They expect you to meet these customer feed back service responses afterwards in which you rely on the general public to do (who pretty much most of the time put the phone down before you transfer), they never say anything positive, it’s always negative and when it is positive there is always a slight tinge of negativity. You try and work alongside the other departments and they think that you are below them and often put the phone down on you or don’t want to talk to the customer, which means that the customer then gets extremely annoyed and you have to deal with the brunt of it. Finally you are not allowed to be off ill more than 3 times in 6 months. As well as this, we got told the other day that we are not allowed to clock out at 5pm on the dot as it seems that we are waiting near the log off button – “Too fucking right!”, so my team mates rightly stated “if you are going to be this petty, what makes you think us the workers are going to not be” – there’s so going to be uproar soon. So you can see why I have become so stressed, anxious and just hating every minute at work at the moment.. there was even an email “inbetween calls can we please not talk about what clothes/dresses you will be wearing at the weekend” hmm……… so that tenses me all up = Which lovingly leads me onto my physical….
I have thoracic outlet syndrome, which if you do not know is the compression of your blood artery thingy lol and your nerve/bone. I have had an operation to release this within my neck, which has left me with scars that I hate (it looks like I have slashed my neck). I fell at Uni and I thought I had whiplash, went to the doctors due to my arm going blue and dead feeling after many different tests and the evaluation that when my arm was raised my pulse stopped in my left arm I was diagnosed with this. They stated after the operation that it could get better or it may come back.
It came back. It could be that I am working in a desk job and so far in the past 10 months I have been sent to hospital twice, one time people thought I had a stroke as the nerves affect from my head all the way to my toe. My face drops slightly, my shoulder becomes so painful, my back curves to the right and then with that I get sciatica in my left leg which means that I cannot walk properly. This has happened on so many occasions and my team leader once said to me “can you not stay and just use your right side”…… seriously no sympathy/empathy. I often loose grip in my left arm, it goes very heavy, pins and needles. At one point a few months ago I could not raise it higher than 90 degrees or move my neck to the right, I have had a small op to reduce the swelling but they cannot do more due to the scar tissue from first operation.
On Wednesday evening, I had a horrible scare. I came out of the shower and sat down on my bed, I physically could not move my body at all apart from my head. I could not lay back, put my legs out nothing, I had to mentally force myself to slam myself onto the bed sideways, I had half of my clothes on and I was forcing them up my body. I just felt ridiculous. After 5 minutes I had kinda “snailed” myself up to my pillow and thought fuck this I just need to sleep, I was hanging off the bed so uncomfortable but I couldnt move. My back kept going into spams, like it kept locking and I was not able to relax at all.
5’oclock came and my god I needed a pee haha, I tried to get up…….. my body was not moving, nothing was moving. I really needed to go to the toilet so again mentally I was like come on you need to get up!!! 5 minutes later, I sat up and had to pick up my legs to put them on the floor. Finally got to the loo, couldnt even get off it 😦 I just felt so sad. What is this life 😦 Got some of my mums meds and thought I am up in 2 hours for work how I am going to do this!
8 oclock came and I had been trying for 15 minutes to get out of bed, I was getting more and more frustrated and just started crying, crying so much. My body would not move at all apart from my arms and head. I knew I was going to be late for work and I live downstairs with my parents upstairs and I am not one often to cry for help but I actually had to ring the home phone to wake up my parents and just cried to my mum to come and get me out of bed. She ran downstairs not knowing what hell was going on, I have never been so scared and embarrassed. My mum had to grab my legs and twist my body onto the ground, I Was screaming in pain. It was like my whole body was frozen, she tried to pull me up and she did eventually. I stood up and nearly collapsed again. I had no idea what was going on, I rang work and kinda cried down the phone.
Yep my worry was not only my whole body but I am now on my 3rd illness for work, can’t be off ill again for another 4/5 months. fucking ridiculous. My back is still not right 3 days later. I seriously think all the stress from work is having a huge affect on my body. I had a breakdown at work the other day and had a go at my supervisor and said how I have wanted to quit, so she is keeping an eye on me and yeah………..
that’s my life.
I am trying to be positive at the moment but just feel like crap.
Has anyone got ANYTHING positive that I can read?
The past two + months I have become a right old moaning person, I hate moaning – I am known to my friends, family and peers to be a positive person. But even myself I have noticed that I am just becoming absolutely negative with so many things. An ex colleague of mine I bumped into and she said “oh I keep up to date with your moans and quips on facebook”. It made me realise oh god I am moaning far too much and it really isn’t me. It could be those I am surrounding myself with, as I have not seen my main girlies for ages, it could be that I really do not like/enjoy my job and also that I am not getting enough sleep. So what I thought I would do is to put a list together of all the positive things in my life at the moment, here we go!:
- I have my family who love me
- I have some really close girl friends
- Some of my girl friends have children, who I love and they like me back
- My bestest friend is due a baby at the end of this month – come into the world baby Alice
- I have a secure job
- I earn money
- I have a home
- I can drive
- I am going to Greece in the Summer
- My family are happy
- My Nan is still with us
- My body is okay
- I know who my true friends are
- I know who I am
Maybe you should do a positive life list of all the things that you love/like or are pleased with for those sad days.